Grant Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walking along a California beach was deep in
prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord,
grant me one wish." The sky clouded above his head and
in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have
tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant
you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive
over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic.
Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of
undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom
of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take!
I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your
desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and
think of another wish, a wish you think would honor
and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he
said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I
want to know how more...
A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened the bottle. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you one wish. I can only grant one."
The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go because I cannot fly. Airplanes are much too frightening for me. On a boat, I see all that water and I become very claustrophobic. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii.
The genie thought for a few minutes and finally said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Imagine the entire pavement needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a few minutes and then told the more...
A man was walking down the beach one day and tripped over a bottle. Out popped a
Genie!
Then Genie says, "I will grant you one wish."
After a minute of pondering the guy says, "I would like you to make me a bridge
from here to Hawaii because I hate to fly and I don't like boats."
The Genie says, "My God, you know how long it will take for me to grant that
wish? How many people it will take to build it? Make any other wish in the world
except that one."
The guy thinks, then says, "I would really like to understand how a woman's mind
works."
The Genie replies, "Would that be two lanes or four?"
An Italian man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."The Italian man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to more...
A blonde woman and a red-headed woman are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad. But first, the terrorists ask the red-headed woman if she has any last words. The red-head points and says, "Twister!" The terrorists ran in all different directions and the red-headed woman gets away. When they realize what has happened, the come back and to where the blonde woman is still standing, and they ask her if she has any last words. She points and says, "Fire!" Blonde
Genie in a bottle "A blonde woman and her mother-in-law were among a group of women playing ball in the woods during a family reunion. They eventually lose the ball, so the daughter-in-law goes into the woods to find the ball they lost. While searching, she came across an oil lamp, and upon rubbing it, there appeared a genie.
The genie said, "Because you let me out of my lamp, I'll grant you 3 wishes, though your mother-in-law whom more...
A cowboy was captured by a group of Indians. They told him, "you will die in 3 days, we will grant you one wish a day!" So the cowboy asked to talk to his horse. He spoke to the horse and the horse returned with a naked blonde. Well needless to say the man had a good night. The next day the Indian told him, "you have 2 days to live, I will grant you one wish!" So the cowboys asks to talk to his horse. yet again the horse leaves and brings back a naked redhead. The man had another good night. The last day the Indain told him, "you have 1 day to live, I will give you one wish!" So the man asks to talk to his horse. And he grabs the horse by the ear and yells, "Posey, Posey!"
A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!" The religous man replies, " no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle."
Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle. With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cause "God will grant him a miracle."
With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down." St. Peter chuckles and responds, "I don't know what you're complaining about, we sent you three boats and a more...