"Captured Blonde" joke
A blonde woman and a red-headed woman are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad. But first, the terrorists ask the red-headed woman if she has any last words. The red-head points and says, "Twister!" The terrorists ran in all different directions and the red-headed woman gets away. When they realize what has happened, the come back and to where the blonde woman is still standing, and they ask her if she has any last words. She points and says, "Fire!" Blonde
Genie in a bottle "A blonde woman and her mother-in-law were among a group of women playing ball in the woods during a family reunion. They eventually lose the ball, so the daughter-in-law goes into the woods to find the ball they lost. While searching, she came across an oil lamp, and upon rubbing it, there appeared a genie.
The genie said, "Because you let me out of my lamp, I'll grant you 3 wishes, though your mother-in-law whom you despise will benefit tenfold in order to keep you focused on what is truly important in life. The only way you can be truly happy is to give even greater happiness to the ones you do not like."
He asked, "What is your first wish?"
She replied that she wanted to be the prettiest woman on earth. The genie replied that he would gladly grant her wish but that her mother-in-law will be 10 times more beautiful.
He asked, "What is your second wish?"
She asked to be the richest woman on earth. The genie said, "Okay but your mother-in-law will be 10 times richer."
He asked, "And what is your third wish?"
She replied, "I'd like to have a mild heart attack."
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