Granted Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was 3 blondes stuck on a island and a magic genie was found by them they were so HAPPY!!! well the genie said ill give you guys 3 wishes one for each of you! The first blonde said i wish i could fly so i could fly home so her wish was granted! The second blonde said i wish i could have a boat so i can ride home her wish was granted! The third blonde said i miss my friends i want them back! So the the friends came home and all there wishes were gone!!

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are in Ft. Lauderdale for a two-week period helping out on a project.

About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish."

The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the more...

January 1, 2000
Dear (enter employee name here)
Re: Vacation Pay
Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.
One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9, 400 days off work or notify our office and your next pay cheque will reflect payment of $8, 277,
432. 22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1, 200 months.
Sincerely,
Automated Payroll Processing

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter... where did you get it?"

"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure."

First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie."

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can''t believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a more...

One evening after attending the theatre, two gentlemen were walking down the street when they observed a well dressed, attractive young lady walking just ahead of them. One turned to the other and said, "I'd give fifty bucks to spend the night with that woman."
To their surprise the woman turned and said, "I'll take you up on that."
She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his friend goodnight, the man accompanied the lady to her apartment, where they immediately went to bed.
The following morning the man presented her with twenty-five dollars as he prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money, stating, "If you don't give me the other twenty-five dollars I'll sue you for it."
He laughed, saying, "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."
The next day he was surprised when served with a summons ordering his presence in court as defendant. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the more...

A plane was shot down over Iraq and Saddam Hussain captured a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Australian. Saddam says, "I`m not as cruel as George Bush says I am. You will be given 50 lashes each, but you can have whatever you want on your back." The Australian goes first, and asks for the finest Kangaroo hide there is to cover his back. This is granted and he receives the kangaroo hide before he receives 50 lashes. His back is all torn and bleeding but he survives. The Englishman says, "I will take it as it comes, I will have nothing on my back and will be proud to bear the scars" he shouts defiantly "Stiff upper lip you know eh what." His wish is granted and he receives his 50 lashes, his back torn and bleeding, his ribs fractured and protruding, a terrible mess to behold. "Now Wee Hughie, it`s your turn, you have the same choice as the other two, what would you like on your back" says Saddam. Wee Hughie replies quickly and without hesitation, more...

In early years of World War II, three soldiers were captured by the Germans and thrown into prison.
However, the guard was rather kind towards them, and said, "I am going to lock you away for five
years, but I'll let you have anything you want now before I lock you away."
The first one says, "I'll have five years' supply of beer!" His wish is granted, and they lock him
away with his beer.
The second one says, "I'll have five years' supply of brandy!" His wish is granted, and they lock him
away with his brandy.
The third one says, "I'll have five years' supply of cigarettes!" His wish is granted, and they lock
him away with his cigarettes.
Five years later, toward the end of the war, the Germans come to release the three prisoners. First,
they release the one who asked for beer. He staggers out totally drunk. Then, they release the one
who asked for brandy. He also rolls out rather more...