Grasshopper Jokes

The Original Version:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
The New Liberal Version:
It starts out the same, but when winter comes, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up and provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to film of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Then a representative of the NAAGB (The National Association for the Advancement of Green Bugs) shows up on NightLine more...

THE ORIGINAL VERSIONThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.MODERN CANADIAN VERSIONThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come the winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.The CBC shows up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. Canadians are stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to more...

What is a grasshopper?
An insect on a pogo stick!


What do you call a grasshopper with no legs?
A grasshover!


Why is it better to be a grasshopper than a cricket?
Because grasshoppers can play cricket but crickets can`t play grasshopper!


What is green and can jump a mile in a minute?
A grasshopper with hiccups!


What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?
Chimney Cricket!

What do you call a grasshopper with no legs? A grasshover!

A grasshopper jumps into a sleazy little bar, makes his way onto a stool and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says "Hey, we got a drink named after you!" The grasshopper smiles surprisedly, and says "You really got a drink named Bob???"