Gravy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Craig Donaldson, 17, of Glasgow, Scotland had a little too much time on his hands. One saturday morning in October of 1999 while his parents had left the house to go car shopping, Craig was overcome by the sort of sexual desire only a deprived 17 year old boy could have.

He decided that his usual "self service" material consisting of a back issue of Playboy was not enough and he had become very frustrated. Just then he remembered a story that his friend Jed had told him about a woman in a pornographic movie who had applied peanut butter to her genitals and allowed a trained dog to "clean" it off of her.

Probably thinking to himself, "mom and dad won't be home for hours!", Craig headed upstairs to the kitchen only stopping to let Max, the family's 4 year old doberman pinscher inside the house. Craig searched for some peanut butter but couldn't find any, in fact there was no fruit jam or margarine either.

However, Craig did more...

Source unknown.
This bishop invites a young priest over for dinner. During the meal,
the priest can't help noticing how attractive and shapely the
housekeeper is. Over the course of the evening he starts to wonder if
there's more between the bishop and the housekeeper than meets the eye.
Reading the young priest's thoughts, the bishop volunteers, "I know what
you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my
housekeeper is purely professional."
About a week later the housekeeper comes to the bishop and says,
"Excellency, ever since the young Father came to dinner, I've been
unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he
took it, do you?"
The bishop says, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to
be sure." So he sits down and writes: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that
you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did
not' more...

A Thanksgiving Cookbookby Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten ClassNOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Ivette - Banana PieYou buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it. Russell - TurkeyYou cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it. Geremy - TurkeyYou buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat. Andrew - PizzaBuy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it. Shelby - ApplesauceGo to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put them in a jar that says, "Applesauce". Then you eat it. more...

I hate some things about this time of year. Not the crass
commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season
when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and
annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10
pounds.

You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday
eating do's and don'ts... eliminate second helpings, high-calorie
sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on
vegetable sticks, they say.

Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a
carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot
is something you leave for Rudolph.

I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if
you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't
make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.

1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts
carrots on a more...

An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner. During the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the housekeeper than met the eye. Reading the young priest's thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional. About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and said, "Father, ever since the young Father came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it do you?" The priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you' did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you' did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that more...

An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner.
During the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the housekeeper than met the eye.
Reading the young priest's thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."
About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and said, "Father, ever since the young Father came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it do you?" The priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you' did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you' did not' take a gravy ladle. more...

I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and
forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police
come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get
through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds.
You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday
Do's and Don'ts. Eliminate second helpings, high calorie sauces
and cookies made with butter, they say.
Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say.
Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a
carrot stick? I didn't think so.
Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph.
I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if
you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't
make if to New Year's? Your pants don't fit anymore, anyway.
1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots
on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the more...