Great Jokes / Recent Jokes

Laboratory Rabbit Freedom A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. 'Wow, this is great,' he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass. 'Hey,' he called. 'I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits? 'Yes. Come and join us,' they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. 'What else do you wild rabbits do?' he asked. 'Well,' one of them said. 'You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.' This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, 'What else do more...

At the Gym For Christmas this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started. Day 1 They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week. Started the morning at 6: 00 a. m. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics more...

Element: Woman
Symbol: wo
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary from 93 to 280
Discoverer: Adam
Occurrence: Copius quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in suburban and rural areas. Known to occuur in small, highly concentrated deposits in Urban areas (see Shopping Mall).

Physical properties:
1. Surface usually covered with painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches, handle with care.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.

Chemical properties:
1. Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum, and and many of the precious stones.
2. May explode spontaneously if left alone.
3. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but displays a certain more...

The Lord decided it was time to make a companion for Adam.

He summoned St. Peter and told him of His decision.

He told St. Peter that he wanted to make a being who was similar to man, yet was different, and could offer him comfort, companionship and pleasure.

The Lord said He would call this being woman. So St. Peter went about creating this being, which was similar to man yet was different in ways that would be appealing and could provide physical pleasure to man. When St. Peter had finished creating this being who could now be called woman he summoned The Lord.

'Ah, St. Peter, once again you have done an excellent job', said The Lord

'Thank You, O Great One, I live but to serve.' replied St. Peter.' I am now ready to provide the brain, nerve endings and senses to this..... .. woman. I require your assistance on this matter Lord.'

'You shall make her brain, slightly smaller, yet more intuitive, more feeling, more more...

a great dane and an alsation are with their masters in the waiting room at the local vets.
the great dane decides to strike up a conversation and ask the alsation what he's in for.
well said the alsation, its a long story but it goes something like this-i was napping on the landing when the masters wife came out of the bathroom, stark naked and dripping wet, she bent over to pick a towel up and i could'nt resist, i was up there like a shot, fucking her like she'd never been fucked before, so the masters bought me in to be put down, what about you? wow! said the great dane- thats a coincidence i was also napping on the landing when the masters wife came out of the bathroom, she was wearing stockings and suspenders, but no-knickers, she bent over to pick her blouse up, and i could'nt resist, i was in like a shot, fucking her like she'd never been fucked before!.
oh, said the alsation, so your here to be put down as well then? heck no, said the great dane, i'm here to have my more...

The first day of school was going good for the new teacher and in an attempt to "break the ice" with the little second graders, she began to ask each student what their fathers did for a living.
"Mary, what does your father do?" asked the teacher.
Mary replied, "My dad is a mailman".
"That's great Mary. Every town needs a mailman to deliver the mail," said the teacher.
"Nancy, what does your father do? asked the teacher again.
"Oh, he is a mechanic", replied Nancy.
"That is really great Nancy we need mechanics like your father to keep our cars running," said the teacher.
Looking in the back of the room she spotted a rather sad looking Johnny. "And, Johnny, what does your daddy do?" asked the teacher.
"W-well, my daddy died last summer", said Johnny in a broken voice.
The teacher really felt bad and wondered how she could get herself out of this one. "Well, I'm more...

Once upon a time there was a golden songbird that lived in a beautiful garden. It spent all its days singing the loveliest songs to the honour of its maker and the delight of all the people who heard it.
But the keeper of the garden, who was a foolish and greedy man, coveted the little songster, and one day he made a cunning net in which he snared it. The little bird begged the man to release him and promised to tell him three great secrets if only he would let him go. Now the gardener really was a very greedy man and rubbing his hands together, he eagerly released the bird.
Then the songbird told him it's three great secrets: Never believe all that you hear; Never regret what you have never lost, and never throw away that which you have in your keeping.
The gardener was furious when he heard this and said he had known these so-called' secrets' since he was a little child and shouted that the bird had tricked him. But the songbird quietly replied that if the man had more...