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Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married? A. RuthlessQ. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds. Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord. Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down. Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home. Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once. Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area more...

A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a small town. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student. She asks the class,' Who was the greatest man that ever lived?'

A girl raises her hand and says,' I think George Washington was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Father of our country.' The teacher replies,' Well...that's a good answer, but that's not the answer I am looking for.'

Another young student raises his hand and says,' I think Abraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because he freed the slaves and helped end the civil war.'. ..' Well, that's another good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for.'

Then the new Jewish boy raises his hand and says,' I think Jesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived.' The teacher's mouth drops open in astonishment.' Yes!' she says,' that's the answer I was looking for.' She then brings him up to the front of more...

Three surgeons at a conference were discussing their greatest operations during one of the breaks. First surgeon: "I once had an ambulance crew bring in a man's leg and my team and I built a new body around it and now that he's recovered fully he does the work of five guys." Second surgeon: "That's really good. My greatest test was a few skin fragments sent to us by the local nuclear plant after a major accident. My team and I work for three days and built an entire new person around those few bits and sent him back to work six months later. He's so good that he now runs the entire plant by himself!"Third surgeon: "Not bad, my friend. I was walking along outside the White House when Clinton went jogging by and farted. I captured that fart in a plastic bag and went to the hospital. My team and I built another ass hole around that fart, added a brain and he's so good he's putting this entire country out of work!"

I am the world's greatest authority on my own opinion.

What is chemistry's greatest achievement. ..... Artificial blondes!

The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good action by stealth, and to have it found out by accident. Charles Lamb

(This joke courtesy of orchestral trumpeter Michael Bowman)
A judge, a bishop, and a conductor were having a discussion. All three
were rather vain men, and their talk soon turned to the question of which
of them was the greatest.
"Well," said the judge, "my position is one of dignity and power. When
I walk into the courtroom, the bailiff says 'All rise!' and all the people
stand to pay me honor."
"That's very nice," said the bishop. "People stand in your honor; but
when people have an audience with me they kneel, kiss my ring, and they
address me as 'Your Holiness.'"
The conductor snorted and said, "I think I got you both beat; when I
step onto the podium, as guest conductor, the people look down, put their
hands over their eyes, and say 'Oh, my God!'"