Green Jokes / Recent Jokes
Chevrolet Nova didn't do well in Spanish speaking countries... Nova means 'No Go'...
Bacardi concocted a fruity drink with the name 'Pavian' to suggest French chic... but 'Pavian' means 'baboon' in German.
A peanut-packed chocolate bar targeted at Japanese teenagers needing energy while cramming for exams ran headlong into a belief that eating peanuts and chocolate causes nosebleeds.
Parker Pens translated the slogan for its ink, "Avoid Embarassment - Use Quink" into Spanish as "Evite Embarazos - Use Quink"... which also means "Avoid Pregnancy - Use Quink."
When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the USA - the cute baby on the label. Later, when investigating lower than expected sales figures, they found out that it is common practice in Africa to put pictures of the contents on food package labels.
Coors slogan, "Turn it Loose," translated into Spanish as "Suffer From more...
Ole and Lena were applying for a wedding license and were answering questions asked by the clerk. "Lena, how old are you?"
Lena answered, "I am going to be tventy one in Yanuary."
Next the clerk asked, "Lena, how tall are you?" Lena stated, "I'm yust about six feet tall."
"And how much do you weigh, Lena?" was the next question. "I weigh yust about 230 pounds."
"Wow," exclaimed the clerk, "You're big enough to play with the Green Bay Packers!!"
"Oh no," answered Lena, "I yust play with Ole's packer."
A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate. A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully. The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs' togetherness, which included one part sodium. It seems the little green frogs needed some "monosodium glue to mate".
A man enters the confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month."The priest tells the sinner "You are forgiven. Go out and say 3 Hail Marys."Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."This time the priest asks, "Who is Fannie Green?""A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. Very well, says the priest. Go and say 10 Hail Mary's. The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when, suddenly a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her, as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down
in front of the altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman more...
NFL Team Lame Names
When a football team is having trouble getting into the win column, fans usually assign a more appropriate name to describe that team's performance. Here is a collection of some of these lame names for the NFL.
AFC West:
Denver Broncos - Denver Donkeys
Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City Griefs
Los Angeles Raiders - Los Angeles Faders
San Diego Chargers - San Diego Rechargers
Seattle Seahawks - Seattle Weehawks
AFC Central:
Cincinnati Bengals - Cincinnati Plaingels
Cleveland Browns - Cleveland Clowns
Houston Oilers - Houston Spoilers
Pittsburgh Steelers - Pittsburgh Reelers
AFC East:
Buffalo Bills - Buffalo Nils
Buffalo Spills
Indianapolis Colts - Indianapolis Dolts
Miami Dolphins - Miami Stallfins
Miami Soft Ones
New England Patriots - New England more...
Oy of the Beholder - Singles kvetch about their awful dates.
Girls, Interrupted - Women's section of Shul shusshed during davening (prayers).
The Seder House Rules - Zaydie lays down the law on Pesach.
Angela's Kashas - Woman reveals secret recipes.
The Six Cents - Three Jews each put in their two-cents' worth.
Snow Falling on Seders - Unexpected storm disrupts Passover.
Supernova - Space scientists discover powerful strain of lox.
Dreydel Will Rock - Chanukah toy comes alive.
Sleepy Hallah - On Friday night, father fills up on bread, dozes off.
Stuart Ladle - Mouse makes chicken soup for Shabbos.
The Whole Nine Yids - Struggling shul waits for tenth.
The Green Mohel - Young man performs first circumcision
Mun on the Moon - Astronauts discover hamantaschen filling, not green cheese, on lunar surface.
Gonif with the Wind - A thief tries to acquire ownership of Tara through a forged deed.
The Putzman Rings Twice - A mohel murder more...
It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. (Almost a scrooge) Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointer parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way. With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant, "Even if we were married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe." "Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is." more...