Greeting Jokes / Recent Jokes
A survey has found that about 90% of all Hallmark greeting cards are purchased by women. In order to attract more males to buy and exchange greeting cards, the following are some greeting card suggestions created to attract more male buyers: Cover picture: Dim, misty, moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: Condolances Inside caption:. .. on the loss of your remote control. Cover picture: Nostalgic picture of a young couple strolling through a field holding hands. Cover caption: Darling, as we go into our 10th year together... Inside caption: I swear I'll leave my wife soon! Cover picture: Gold-leafed picture of a vase of red roses. Cover caption: Get well soon, darling! Inside caption: This house doesn't clean itself! Cover picture: Two men standing on lush golf course, one of them ready to putt. Cover caption: To my golf partner... Inside caption: Just to let you know, I'm sleeping with my secretary. Cover picture: Dark moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: In more...
Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice a religion at all;
Additionally,
a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2000, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to the race, creed, color, religious, or sexual preferences of the wishes.
(Disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress more...
When two (ore more) people are working a desks that are put next to each other, switch their telephone cords. With all those cables lying around it will take some time before they find that one out!
Put a peice of onion or a clove of garlic inside the mouthpiece of a phone. Give it some time for it to fester and build up a strong odor. Then call them and keep them on the phone for as long as possible.
It is allways a good habit to lock your computer before heading off for coffee or a smoke. When someone forgets and leaves a Word document or an email open, type a single word somewhere in the text. “f*ck” or so will do nicely. They’ll never notice and send it out.
Get a hold of someone's cell phone and change the greeting banner to say "NO SERVICE". Many cell phones have greeting banners on them that you can personalize to say whatever you want them to and it stays on there when you're not using your phone. Also, when there is no service more...
Happy Solstice, Happy Hanukkah,
Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza
Sorry for the delay... our Legal Department just
approved the following Holiday Greeting:
To All HumorMatters Readers:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best
wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible,
low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the
winter solstice holiday(tm), practiced within the most enjoyable
traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular
practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular
persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to
practice religious or secular traditions at all. . . and a fiscally
successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition
of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2000, but not without
due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures more...
Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially
responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral, winter
solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of
the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for
the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their
own religion as well as those who choose not to practice a
religion at all; plus... A fiscally successful, personally
fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the
generally accepted calendar year 2000, but not without due respect
for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions
have helped make our society great, without regard to the race,
creed color, religious, or sexual preferences of the wishes.
Disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or with-
drawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement
any of the wishes for her/himself or others and no more...
Southern slang, or "Hickphonics", has been approved as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone.
The following are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English Dictionary:
HEIDI - noun. Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage:- "Heidi, hire yew?"
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage:- "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage:- "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
BAMMER - noun. The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage:- "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage:- "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
THANK - verb. Ability to cognitively process.
Usage:- more...
A survey has found that about 90% of all Hallmark greeting cards are purchased by women. In order to attract more males to buy and exchange greeting cards, the following are some greeting card suggestions created to attract more male buyers:Cover picture: Dim, misty, moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: Condolances Inside caption:...on the loss of your remote control.Cover picture: Nostalgic picture of a young couple strolling through a field holding hands. Cover caption: Darling, as we go into our 10th year together... Inside caption: I swear I'll leave my wife soon! Cover picture: Gold-leafed picture of a vase of red roses. Cover caption: Get well soon, darling! Inside caption: This house doesn't clean itself! Cover picture: Two men standing on lush golf course, one of them ready to putt. Cover caption: To my golf partner... Inside caption: Just to let you know, I'm sleeping with my secretary.Cover picture: Dark moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: In more...