Greeting Jokes / Recent Jokes

GREETING CARDS UNSUCCESSFULLY MARKETED BY HALLMARK

1. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy!' Cause when I got one... I got real snippy.

2. I heard you had herpes... and I feel terrible... I'd say "Get well soon"... but I know it's incurable.

3. My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire.... I found your cat... Sorry!

4. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends.... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.

5. You've announced that you're gay, and won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

6. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... look at the bright side, she's a really good lay.

7. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... Don't fret about your wife though... She's moving in with me.

8. Your computer is dead... and it was so alive... you shouldn't have installed... more...

In a stationery store, I quickly picked out a card for my wife for our anniversary. The clerk was surprised by how little time it took me, and she began relating a story about another customer who spent a half-hour searching for the right anniversary greeting.
Noticing the man lingering over one card after another, the clerk went to see if she could help. "Is there a problem?" she asked.
"Yes, there is," he replied ruefully. "I can`t find one my wife will believe."

To be' politically correct'. ...

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress,
non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or
secular traditions at al...

A N D

A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2002, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere,) and more...

GREETING CARDS UNSUCCESSFULLY MARKETED BY HALLMARK
1. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I got one... I got real snippy.
2. I heard you had herpes...and I feel terrible...I'd say "Get well soon"...but I know it's incurable.
3. My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire....I found your cat...Sorry!
4. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
5. You've announced that you're gay, and won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
6. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... look at the bright side, she's a really good lay.
7. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be...Don't fret about your wife though... She's moving in with me.
8. Your computer is dead... and it was so alive... you shouldn't have installed... Win'95.
9. You totalled your car... and can't remember why... maybe more...

Greeting cards unsuccessfully marketed by Hallmark
Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I got one... I got real
snippy.
I heard you had herpes... and I feel terrible... I'd say "Get well soon"...
but I know it's incurable.
My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the
tire... I found your cat... Sorry!
You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of
flowers and a box of Depends.
You've announced that you're gay, and won't that be a laugh, when they find
out you're one... of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... look at the bright
side, she's a really good lay.
Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... Don't fret about your
wife though... She's moving in with me.
Your computer is dead... and it was so alive... you shouldn't have
installed... Win '95.
You totalled your car... and can't more...

What is the cow's holiday greeting? Mooooory Christmas!

Little Bobby had been searching through a stationer's stock of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked, "Just what is it you're looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend? An anniversary, or a congratulations to your mom and dad?"
Little Bobby shook his head and answered, "No. Er...got any blank report cards?"