Grocery Jokes / Recent Jokes
While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?"The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."
One day, a little girl walked in to a grocery store. She asked someone at the grocery store, who coincedentally was new, if they had bacon. He said "I don't know, I don't know." So the little girl left. then the manager came and said to the new worker, "you don't say 'I don't know. I don't know. you say 'Yes we do. yes we do.'" the next day and old man walked in to the store. he asked, "Do you have any bacon?" and the same worker said "Yes we do. yes we do." then the old man asked, "How much is it?" and the worker said "I dont' know. i don't know." so the old man left. then the manager came back and said, "you don't say 'i don't know, i don't know.' you say '50 cents, 50 cents.'" the next day a teenage boy came to the store. he asked the worker, "do you have any bacon?" and the worker said "yes we do, yes we do." then the boy asked, "how much is it?" and the worker said "50 cents, more...
Q: What's the difference between a plastic grocery bag and Michael Jackson?
A: Well, one's an artificial piece of trash that can harm little children, and the other is used to hold groceries.
Part 7 - (Real Programmer at Play)
----------------------------------
Genrally, the Real Programmer plays the same way he works - with computers. He is constantly amazed
that his employer actually pays him to do what he would do for fun anyway (although he is careful not to
express this opinion loud). Ocassionally, the Real Programmer does step out of the office for a breath of
fresh air and a beer or two. Some tips on recognizing Real Programmers away from the computer room.
- At a party, the Real Programmers are the ones in the corner talking about operating system security
and how to get around it.
- At a football game, the Real Programmer is the one comparing the plays against his simulations printed
on 11x14 fanfold paper.
- At the beach, the Real Programmer is the one drawing flowcharts in the sand.
- At a funeral, the Real Programmer is the one saying "Poor George. And he almost had the sort routine
working before more...
A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle.
The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms.
The father replies, " Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night."
The son then asks his father, " What's the 6-pack for? "
The father replies, " Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning."
Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, " Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for....."
MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).
GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill it halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Get the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls more...
Did you hear that in New York State, the Stop And Shop grocery chain merged with the A & P? Yup.. now they call it the... Stop & P.