Gross Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings him his meal. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, exclaiming, "Waitress! There's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what's going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back to the kitchen where the cook is, and to the man's demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. The distraught customer says, "That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting? You should see him make donuts."

A sailor had been on his ship for months. When he finally docked the only thing he could think of was getting laid. So off he goes to find a bordello. When he finally found one he stopped, before going in to see how much money he had. To his dismay he only found five dollars in his pocket. He figures what the hell and goes in anyway. When he gets to the front desk he says to the madam "Please have pity on me it's been months since I've had a woman and I only have five dollars, is there anything you can do for me?" The madam thinks for a minute and says "I'll let you have Olga, she's the only one that will satisfy your needs for five bucks.". So Olga takes the sailor to a room and they start to get busy, but for some reason the sailor could not get it in. He asks her "did you take your panties off?" Olga tells him that she did but she knows what the problem is.She sits up on the side of the bed and starts messing with her pussy for a few seconds, she lays more...

Howard felt really bad. One side of him said, "It's all right Howard. You aren't the first person to sleep with your patient, and you won't be the last."
The other side would come right back at him. "Howard... you're a veterinarian..."

A woman was sitting in an airplane waiting for her flight to start. As she waited, a man sat down next to her. She asked him his name. He replied Bob.
About fifteen minutes into the flight Bob sneezed. After sneezing he took out his penis and wiped it off with a tissue. The woman was disgusted, but out of shyness didn't say anything. Thirty minutes later he sneezed again. Again he took out his penis and wiped it off. The woman was again disgusted. But yet again, out of shyness, didn't say anything, but resolved to say something if he did it again. Sure enough about forty-five minutes later he sneezed again. He proceeded to remove his penis from his pants and wipe it off.
By now, the woman was sick of seeing this and asked him why he did it.
The man replied "I have a medical condition. Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The woman, shocked, said "Oh, what do you take for that?"
The man replied "Pepper."

Q. What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
A. See you next month!

Reacting to Federal guidelines, the State of FLORIDA, which has been highlighted as a role model for student testing by the Bush Administration's Dept. of Education, has redesigned and just released a new comprehensive test to be given to all students beginning in the spring of the 2004-2005 school year.
In response to President Bush's Federal No Child Left Behind Act, students will have to pass it to be promoted to the next grade level.
In the hopes that it will be uniformly adopted by all the states, it will be called the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test or (FART).
All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested in grades 3, 4, and 5 until such a time as they are capable of achieving a FART score of 80%. If a student does not successfully FART by grade 5, that student shall be placed in a separate English program, the Special Mastery Elective for Learning Language (SMELL).
If with this increased SMELL program the student cannot pass the more...

A little girl was at preschool, and she asked the teacher:
"Can my mom get pregnant?"
"How old is your mom?" asked the teacher.
"40," answered the little girl.
"Yes, your mom could get pregnant," said the teacher.
"Could my sister get pregnant?" asked the little girl.
"How old is your sister?" asked the teacher.
"19," the little girl answered.
"Yes, she certainly could get pregnant," said the teacher.
"Could I get pregnant?"asked the little girl.
"How old are you?" asked the teacher.
"3," answered the girl.
"No you couldn't get pregnant," said the teacher.
Then the little boy behind the girl tapped her back and said to her:
"See? I told you we had nothing to worry about!"