Gross Jokes / Recent Jokes
It must suck being a penis because-
1. Your best friends are nuts
2. Your closest neighbour is an asshole
3. You vomit when you're excited
4. Your owner abuses you
And if you're in the mood-
5. You work double-duty on Tuesday.
Now I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly.
I haven't had it for a while and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft.
If you would do this for me no one would ever know.
I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would.
I am very desperate and I need your help.
You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juices until it's very dry.
I am not going to beat around the bush any longer, so -
Do you have a piece of gum?
This lonely little boy was sitting at home, and he recently discovered the noises and smells that can emit from his body in the form of a fart.
So the bored little boy decided to travel the world looking for the best fart,
He went to Canada and realized that the cold temperature caused the farts to be really short.
He went to Mexico and realized all the spicy foods caused really uncomfortable farts.
All other parts of the world had interesting farts but not what the boy was looking for.
Feeling that he failed, the boy went back home after his yearly trips around the world, only to walk in on his mom bending over into an oven attempting to pull a cake out.
In the middle of her attempt she ripped the biggest fart in the world,
The boy was immediately excited he found the best fart,
Which proves the moral of the story
HOME IS WHERE THE FART IS!
There was this man driving in his truck in the desert. He had to poop really bad, so he found this old gas station. It had a bathroom, so he went.
He let it all out, feeling pleased when he had finished. That's when he noticed that there was no toilet paper. There was a sign on the wall saying, "There is no tissue. Take 2 fingers, wipe yourself, stick them in the hole below and they will be cleaned by human lips." So he took his 2 fingers and wiped himself.
He stuck them through the hole. On the other side there was a person with 2 bricks. When his fingers were on the other side, the man took the 2 bricks and slammed the man's fingers, so the man, reacting in pain, stuck his fingers in his mouth. (Hey, the sign said they would be cleaned by human lips.)
What did the thirsty whale do?
Bit the tail of a submarine and sucked out all the seamen.
A teenage boy and girl headed to a good parking spot for
passionate summer sex. She could not wait for them to arrive at the destination. She took off her seat belt and started stroking her hand up and down his organ. It started to feel so good that he drove off the road and hit a palm tree.
The cops came and all the teenage boy could do was cry. A cop got really mad and said, "What are you crying about? Your girlfriend is splattered all over the tree and you don't have a scratch on you."
The guy says, "Go look in her hand!"