Gross Jokes / Recent Jokes
What is grosser than gross?
When a midget walks by and says your hair smells nice!
What's the difference between a prostitute, your mistress and your wife?
The prostitute says, "Are you done yet?"
Your mistress says, "You're not done yet!"
And your wife says, "Beige, I think we ought to paint the ceiling beige."
A guy went to see the doctor because he was a little too well-endowed. In fact, it was 25 inches long and he couldn't get women to have sex with him.
The doctor told him that there was nothing that he could do, but recommended a witch doctor.
The witch doctor took a look at the problem and told the man to go to a particular pond deep in the forest and talk to a frog that lived there. "Ask the frog to marry you," she said, "and each time the frog says no, you'll be 5 inches shorter."
Worth a try, he thought to himself, and with that, he dashed into the forest. He found the pond and spotted the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. "Frog, will you marry me?" He called.
The frog looked at him, disinterested at best, and called back, "No."
The guy looked down and sure enough, he's 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great, he thought. I'll try that again, "Will you marry me?"
The frog rolled his eyes, and shouted more...
One day, a little boy came up to a man at the park.
The boy asked the man, "Why do you have a big nose?"
The man answered, "Because...I have big fingers."
Three friends decided to check out a room in a hotel, but before the man gave them their key he said, "In your room there is a window. If you jump out of it while wishing something outloud your wish will come true."
The three friends raced to their room, the first guy jumped out and said, "I wish for a big pile of money!" and landed in one. The second guy wished for a group of cheerleaders that would love him. He jumped out and landed in their arms. The third guy got a running start, tripped over the window frame and said, "Crap!" Let's just say he went back to wish for lots and lots of soap.
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his system upset. Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom he decided the latest was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the hell happened?" Still staring down, the drunk replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!