Ground Jokes / Recent Jokes

A football player passes a burning building, and sees a young woman and her baby hanging out the window. The football player stops and yells to the woman, "Throw down your baby and I'll catch it!"
The woman responds, "I can't throw my baby to you, I don't know you!"
"It's okay", shouts the football player, "I'm in the NFL, I can catch anything!"
The woman yells out "OK!" and drops the baby from the top floor. Just as it reaches about 50 ft. from the ground, a gust of wind grabs the baby and sends it flying. The football player chases after it, desperately stretching, trying to catch the baby.
By this time quite a crowd has gathered. The baby is falling towards the ground. Can he make it? The football player dives, and makes the catch!
The crowd goes wild!!!
The football player gets up, yells "All Right!!!", starts dancing... and spikes the "ball"!

A woman was walking down the street when a man approached her. The man said, " I want to have SEX with you right now! I'll drop 500 dollars on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I will have my way with you from behind and be on my way.
The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her friend, a girl, on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition.
Her girlfriend said "When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened."
An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back."What happened?" the girlfriend asked. The lady said "That Son-Of-A-Bi#ch had $500 in 20 cent pieces.!"

George and Lenny decide to cross North America in a hot air balloon. However, neither were particularly experienced balloonists, and Lenny's mind quickly drifted from navigation to thoughts of how clouds look like cuddly little bunny rabbits. Upon realizing that they were lost, George declared, "Lenny -- we are going to have to lose some altitude so we can figure out where we are."George lets some hot air out of the balloon, which slowly descended below the clouds, but he still couldn't tell where they were. Far below, they could see a man on the ground. George lowered the balloon, to ask the man their location. When they were low enough, George called down to the man, "Hey, can you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yelledback, "You're in a balloon, about 100 feet up in the air."George Called down to the man, "You must be a lawyer." "Gee, George," Lenny replied, "How can you tell?" George answered, "Because more...

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree.
After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

Two guys, George and Harry, set out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic ocean.
After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are."
Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover.
George says, "I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground."
So Harry yells down to the man, "Hey, pardon me but could you tell us where we are?"
The man on the ground yells back, "You're in a balloon 100 feet up in the air."
George turns to Harry and says, "that man is a lawyer."
"How can you tell?", inquires Harry.
George answers, "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally useless."

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."