Group Jokes / Recent Jokes
A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. They got their ladders and tape measures and went out to the flagpole. However, the measurement job turned out to be much more difficult than any of them had expected, with some of them falling off the ladders, some dropping their tape measures and so on, and the whole thing had just turned into a big disaster.
After a while, an engineer happened to walk by and saw what the managers were attempting to do. She walked over, pulled the flagpole out of the ground, and laid it flat on the ground. She measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of the managers and then walked away without saying a word.
After the engineer was out of sight, one manager turned to another and laughed as he shook his head. "Now that's just like an engineer! We're looking for the height and she gives us the length!"
A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English, these words were of neutral gender.
Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"
The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was composed of the women in the class, and the other of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the more...
An officer in the U. S. Naval reserve was attending a conference that included admirals from both the U. S. Navy and the French Navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both navies.
The French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English. He then asked: "Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences rather than you speak French?
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you would not have to speak German."
The group became silent.
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society..
DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of
0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little" accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. * Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts more...
A group of Americans was touring a market in India when Mr. Beesley noticed a local man watering his elephant. Strolling over and taking the man's picture, Beesley wondered if he had time to do some exploring on his own. Having left his watch at the hotel, he said, "I wonder, sir, if you could tell me the time?"
The Indian nodded, then reached out and took the elephant's balls in his hand, shifting them slightly.
"It's five of one," he said after a moment.
"Good God!" gasped the American. "That's incredible. Wait here, I've got to tell the others."
Rushing back to the group and telling them what he'd seen, he brought them over to the owner of the elephant and once again asked for the time. And once again the Indian reached out, cupped the elephant's balls in his hand as though weighing them, then moved them to one side and declared, "It is seven minutes past one."
One of the group members checked her watch and more...
A group of Jewish American Tourist are in London and on their itinary is listed a visit to Blooms Kosher Restaurant in Golders Green.
After being seated at the table they are served by a Chinese Waiter, who conducts the whole conversation in Yiddish.
After the meal and just before they are about to leave, they are confronted by the owner, Mr. Bloom, who asks them if they enjoyed the meal.
The leader of the group states that they were well satisfied by the food and service, but were amazed that the waiter only spoke in yiddish.
Mr. Bloom placed the index finger of his right hand to his lips and said "Shush, he thinks he's speaking in English"!!
The pro-life group "Operation Save America" is trying to close Mississippi's only abortion clinic. The group wants abortion limited to when the mother's life is in danger or if she's black.