Guess Jokes / Recent Jokes

A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?""After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.""If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?""We spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would live in this house.""If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house," the wife asks, "would she sleep in our bed?""Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess she would.""If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?" "Oh, no," the husband replies. "She's left-handed."

Following are answers given by elementary school-age children to the given questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the Scotch Tape is.
2. Think about it. It was the best way to get more people.
3. Mostly to clean the house.
4. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic, plus super powers, and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We are related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string. I more...

There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She picks out the cutest one.
He looks at her and says "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"

There was a blonde. Whenever someone saw her, they made fun of her. One day, she dyed her hair red. Then she whent to a farmer and said,"If I can guess the number of your sheep,
can I have one?" "Sure," the farmer replied. "350" said the blonde. "Nice guess,"
commented the farmer,"You got it right!" The blonde starts walking to her pickup, but before she leaves, the farmer says,"If I guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

Who will it be, then?
Moishe had been single for a long time. One day, he excitedly tells his mother that he`s fallen in love at last and he is going to get married. She is obviously overjoyed.
Moishe then tells his mother, "Just for fun, Mum, I`m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I`m going to marry."
His mother agrees.
The next day, Moishe brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they all chat for a while. Then Moishe turns to his mother and says, "Okay, Mum. Guess which one I`m going to marry?"
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That`s amazing, Mum. You`re right. How did you know?"
"I don`t like her."

Walking into the post office, Jack saw a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter busily placing 'love' stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The man then removed a perfume bottle from his pocket and started spraying the scent on the envelopes.
Jack was overcome with curiosity and asked the man what he was doing.
"I'm sending out 1000 Valentine cards signed 'Guess Who'," the man explained.
"Why?" asked Jack.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and died brown. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course." The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandable, totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right! O. K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock." The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O. K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"