Guess Jokes / Recent Jokes

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them."If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed."You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."

Zikes! What a year! Joseph forgot to make reservations at the Bethlehem Inn (his carpentry projects aren't the only thing made out of wood!). So they stick us in this stable full of stale hay and stinking animals and guess what???
I go right into labor. My OB doc said: "Make the trip."
Anyway, we have a new baby boy that we think is truly special. But it's been a madhouse ever since!
First, we couldn't agree on a name. Joe likes Emmanuel - I'm holding out for Jesus. In the middle of the argument all the animals in the stable start talking and taking sides!
Next, all these shepherds stopped by to gawk (as if the smell wasn't bad enough). And, since this is Joseph's hometown, the whole mishpuka seemed to drop in.
You wouldn't believe his weird "cousin" John! All the time he babbles about 'logos' and 'kerygma' and a whole bunch of stuff that's just plain Greek to me.
Then there's a Stella, (or is it Quelle?) who keeps asking me to write down more...

There once was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair red and try and trick everyone into thinking that she was a redhead.
After she dyed her hair, she went for a drive to see if she could trick anyone.
She came across a sheep herder and his herd and said, “If I can guess how many sheep you have in your herd, can I take one home? ”
The sheep herder said, “Sure! ”
The blonde proudly said, “There are 345 sheep. ”
The sheep herder exclaimed, “Wow! That is absolutely right, so go ahead and pick a sheep to take home. ”
The Blonde got out, got a sheep, and put it in her car.
The sheep herder said, “Now I have a deal for you. If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back? ”

Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, she was sick of all the blonde jokes.
One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.
She also went out and bought a new convertible.
She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.
She stopped and called the sheepherder over.
"That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.
"Well thank you.", said the herder. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.
"Okay.", replied the herder.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman. "Sure.", said the sheepherder.
So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".
"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right.
Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."
So the woman went and picked more...

A wife asked her husband, "Honey, if I died would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of griveing, I guess I would. We all need companionship."
"If I died and you remarried," the wife asked, "would she live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would. yes."
"If I died and you remarried and she lived in this house," the wife continued, "would she sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us over two thousand dollars. It's going to last a long time, so I guess she would."
"If I died and you remarried and she lived in this house and she slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no," the husband replied. "She's left-handed."

Ever wondered what heaven looks like?
Bill Gates died and, much to everyone's surprise, went to Heaven. When he got there, he had to wait in the reception area.
Heaven's reception area was the size of Massachusetts. There were literally millions of people milling about, living in tents with nothing to do all day. Food and water were being distributed from the backs of trucks, while staffers with clipboards slowly worked their way through the crowd. Bill lived in a tent for three weeks until, finally, one of the staffers approached him. The staffer was a young man in his late teens, face scarred with acne. He was wearing a blue T-shirt with the words TEAM PETER emblazoned on it in large yellow lettering.
"Hello," said the staffer in a bored voice that could have been the voice of any clerk in any overgrown bureaucracy. "My name is Gabriel and I'll be your induction coordinator." Bill started to ask a question, but Gabriel interrupted him. "No, more...

A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."
"If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?"
"We spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would live in this house."
"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house," the wife asks, "would she sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess she would."
"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?" "Oh, no," the husband replies. "She's left-handed."