Guess Jokes / Recent Jokes
When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, "I am putting a box under our bed. You must promise never to look in it."
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the better of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.
In the box there were 3 empty beer cans and $1, 874. 25 in cash.
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her guilt and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked in the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the empty cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess that after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was more...
An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.
Bentley`s second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta`s Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.
Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn`t fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
Q: How more...
This guy walks into a bar with his monkey. The guy sits down next to the bartender and has a few drinks. After a while he has to go the bathroom.
"Will you watch my monkey while I go the bathroom?" the guy asked the bartender.
"Sure.", says the bartender.
As soon as the bartender hits the bathroom, the monkey jumps up, runs across the room to the pool tables and eats the cue-ball.
"What the hell?", the bartender exclaimed.
When the guy came out of the bathroom, the bartender says.
"Guess what?...your damn monkey just ate my cue-ball."
"Oh god.", says the guy. "Here there's $20 and after the monkey passes the cue-ball, I'll sterilize it and bring it back to you, deal?"
The bartender agrees. A week later the guy comes back with his monkey and also returns the cue-ball. He is now on good terms with the bartender. Anyway, the guy has a few more...
Once upon a time there was a blonde. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes and she was sick of all the blonde jokes.
One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheepherder over.
"That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.
"Well thank you.", said the herder.
v
"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.
"Okay.", replied the herder. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman.
"Sure.", said the sheepherder. So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".
"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."
So the woman went and picked one more...
ONE DAY A BLONDE WENT TO THE POST OFFICE FOR A JOB INTERVIEW. THE INTERVIEWER ASKED THE BLONDE WHAT 1 AND 1 WAS. SHE REPLIED "
ELEVEN"
. THE MAN SAID THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR BUT I GUESS YOU ARE RIGHT. THEN HE ASKED HER WHAT THE CAPITAL OF TEXAS WAS. SHE REPLIED "
T"
HE SAID, THAT ISN'T WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR BUT I GUESS YOU ARE RIGHT. THEN HE ASKED HER "
WHO KILLED ABE LINCOLN"
. SHE SAID.. I AM NOT SURE. HE TOLD HER TO GO HOME AND WORK ON IT. SHE WENT TO TELL HER FRIENDS HOW HER INTERVIEW WENT. THEY ASKED HER "
HOW DID THE INTERVIEW GO"
. SHE RESPONDED "
GREAT, SO GOOD IN FACT THAT I AM ALREADY WORKING ON A MURDER CASE"
Once there was this brunette who was driving her corvette with the wind in her hair.
She looked and she saw a farmer with a flock of sheep so she drove over and asked the farmer "if I can guess how many sheep in you're flock will you give me a sheep."
The farmer says "OK".
The brunette says "485".
The farmer says "that's right but if I can guess you're natural hair color can I have my sheep back".
the brunette says "OK".
The farmer says "blonde".
The brunette says how did you know.
The farmer says you just picked the dog.
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one? ” The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, “Sure! ” The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, “352. ” This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, “You’re right! O. K., I’ll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock. ” The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, “O. K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back? ”