Guess Jokes / Recent Jokes

Miss Smith is a kindergarten teacher and today is her birthday. As she walked into her classroom one of her students, Sally, had brought a gift up to her desk.

"Guess what it is!" said Sally.

Knowing that Sally's father owned a bookstore she guessed, "A Book?".

"How did you know?" asked Sally.

Next Dillon brought a gift up to Miss Smith. "Guess what it is!" said Dillon.

Knowing that Dillon's parents owned a florist shop, she guessed, "Flowers?".

"How did you know?" asked Dillon.

Finally, Joey brought up a gift for Miss Smith.

"Guess what it is!" said Joey.

Knowing that Joey's father owned a liquor store, and seeing that the bag was wet, she placed her fingers on the liquid and then licked them. "Rum?" guessed Miss Smith.

"No" said Joey.

She tasted again..."Vodka?" she more...

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."
*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."
*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.
"Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.
*** POOF ***
There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."

One day Timmy came home from school very excited... "Mommy, Mommy, guess what? Today in English I got all the way to the end of the alphabet, and everyone else got messed up around' P'!" His mother said, "Very good, dear. That's because you're a bari player."
The next day, Timmy was even more excited. "Mommy, Mommy, guess what! Today in math I counted all the way to ten, but everyone else got messed up around seven!"
"Very good, dear," his mother replied. "That's because you're a bari player."
On the third day, Timmy was beside himself. "Mommy, Mommy, today we measured ourselves and I'm the tallest one in my class! Is that because I'm a bari player?"
"No dear," she said. "That's because you're 27 years old."

Shane Warne and Simone had been married for more than 10 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that Shane had a secret shoe box under the bed.
When they first got married Shane said,"I am putting a shoe box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 10 years of marriage, Simone had never looked. However on the afternoon of their 10th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81, 874. 25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box she was doubly curious why there even was such a box with such contents.
That evening they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner Simone could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed saying "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box more...

There was a blonde named Candi. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. So one day, she decided to get a makeover, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible.

With her new car, she went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the shepherd over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep," she said.

"Well, thank you," said the herder.

"Tell you what... I have a proposition for you," said the woman.

"Okay," replied the herder.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" asked the woman.

"Sure."

So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382."

"Wow!" said the herder, "That's amazing. You're exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep more...

After Christmas break, a teacher asked her young pupils to write an essay about how they spent their holidays. One small boy wrote the following:
We always used to spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They ride on three-wheeled tricycles and they all wear name tags, because they don't know who they are.
They go to a big building called a wrecked hall, but if it was wrecked, they got it fixed because it is alright now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very good. There is a swimming pool there. They go in it and just stand there with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.
As you go into their park, there is a doll house with a little man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. When they can sneak more...

Bill and Hillary were married for 40 years.
When they first got married Bill said,
"I am putting a box under the bed.
You must promise never to look in it."

In all their 40 years of marriage Hillary never looked.
However on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary
curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid
and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans
and $1874. 25 in cash.

She closed the box and put it back under the bed.

Now that she knew what was in the box,
she was doubly curious as to why. That evening they
were out for a special dinner. After dinner Hillary
could no longer contain her curiosity and

she confessed, saying,"I am so sorry. For all these
years I kept my promise and never looked into the
box under our bed.

However today the temptation was too much and I gave in.
But now I need to know why do you,
keep the cans in more...