Guilty Jokes / Recent Jokes

Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder.
There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse.
In the defense's closing statement the lawyer,
knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be convicted,
resorts to a clever trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer says as he looks at his watch.
"Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this court room," he says and he looks toward the courtroom door.

The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute passes. Nothing happens.
Finally the lawyer says:' Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

The jury, clearly more...

Foxy Brown pleaded not guilty to misdemeanor charges resulting from a scuffle in a beauty supply store. Brown was charged with one count of misdemeanor assault and three counts of funk.

Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder.
There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse.
In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is
guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever
trick.
''Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,'' the lawyer
says as he looks at his watch. 'Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in
this case will walk into this court room,' he says and he looks toward the
courtroom door. The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute
passes. Nothing happens.
Finally the lawyer says: 'Actually, I made up the previous statement. But
you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is
reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that
you return a verdict of not guilty.'
The jury, clearly confused, retires to more...

A murder trial was concluding. In his closing, the defense lawyer stated strongly, "Ladies and gentlemen, the prosecution has made much of its circumstantial case against my client, but as you all know by now, they have never found the alleged victim. Well, members of the jury, we have done what they have failed to do, proving without a doubt my client's innocence. The person presumed dead is about to walk into this courtroom."

With that, the attorney looked expectantly at the doors at the back of the courtroom. The jurors, stunned, looked at the door eagerly for a minute, but no one entered. Finally, the lawyer stated, "I confess, I made up the previous statement. But I did so to prove a point about reasonable doubt. All of you thought that person would enter the court. How can you find my client guilty when you have such strong guilty that anyone was event killed?"

To the lawyer's shock, the jury only deliberated for ten minutes before more...

A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. " Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." " I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter." " For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

Extracted from US news papers:
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In Detroit, the lawyer for accused murderer Rondelle Woods, 23, delivered part of his closing
argument to the jury in rap:' Went to a party, sweet 16, decided to stay on the scene.' Woods was
acquitted. But in Las Vegas in December, Eric Clark, 22, pleaded with the judge, in rap for a light
sentence:' I'm sellin' dope, and I as gettin' paid too blind to see how I was gettin' played.' He
got 23 years. - Universal Press Syndicate
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A Tokyo company, Juonsha, recently began offering a mail-order curse kit, featuring a straw doll to
represent the hexee, along with eight accessories, including nails, a curse manual, and a
curse-blocking doll to ward off return curses. The company at first marketed to boys and girls
bullied at school, but discovered the major market is women who hope to put spells on neighbors,
in-laws and more...

Jose Canseco pleaded guilty to trying to bring a fertility drug across the border from Mexico. The real crime is the fact that they let him back into America.