Guitar Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How do you make him stop playing?
A: Put notes on it!
Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist?
A: Pick on someone your own size!
Q: What`s the definition of a minor second?
A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison.
Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
A: Counterpoint.
Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Give him a sheet of music.
Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say, "Not bad, but I could`ve done better".
Q: What does a guitarist say when he gets to his gig?
A: Would you like fries with that?
Q: What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?
A: Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!
Q: What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?
A: You can tune a guitar but you can`t tuna fish.
A Hindu Bauji was a neighbour of a Sardarji. Every morning Bauji was in the habit of playing guitar along with his son outside his house, which was a disturbance to Sardarji. One morning, Bauji was playing it as usual, then Sardarji came out and asked. "Kee gal Bauji, suvere suvere bajaun lag jande ho?" Bauji replied back in taunting mood,"sikhni ju hoee". Sardarji felt it, and asked Bauji (pointing at Bauji's son) "eh veesikh da ha?"
Q: What's the difference between a musician and a savings bond?
A: A savings bond eventually matures and earns money.
Q: What color is a guitar string?
A: Plink!
(It is the sound the a guitar makes. The word sounds like the color "pink.")
What goes "ZUB, ZUB"?
A bee flying backwards.(Buz, Buz)
(After teaching about telling time)
Teacher: What time is it?
Students: Umm, eight fifty-nine?
Teacher: Nope.
Students: About nine o'clock?
Teacher: No.
Students: What then?
Teacher: It's time to go home.
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them."Not very long," answered the Mexican."But then, why didnt you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the tourist. The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family. The tourist asked, "So what do you do with the rest of your time?""I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, spend time with my wife... In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, chase the senioras, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."The tourist said, "I have a M. B. A. from Stanford and I can help you. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can more...
How do you get a guitar to play softer?
Give him a sheet of music.
On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me. ..
A batch of my special hand-print cookies. I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove. In that micro-second, Sara climbed onto the table, poked her paw into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly off-balance, fell into the cookie dough. Net loss? Six cups of flour, four cups of sugar, three sticks of butter. .. Of course, it would have been cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.
On the second day of Christmas, my kitten accompanied me. ..
On a trip to the vet clinic. Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I didn't. Damages: $28 for the office visit, $36 for anesthesia so the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Sara had taste-tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of embarrassment when the vet removed the 3' curly tail in slightly less than two seconds by tugging at more...
Why did Silly Sue throw her guitar away? Because it had a hole in the middle.