Gun Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little boy ran home from school on the first day and pestered his mother into taking him into a toy shop. When they got there he insisted that she buy him a gun.
' But why do you need a gun?' asked his mother.
' Because our teacher told us she was going to teach us to draw tomorrow.'

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her.
She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, now she's angry!
She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!"
"Shut up," she says, "You're next."

A guy walks into a gun shop to buy a gun." Can I help you sir?, asked the shopkeeper". Ah, yes... I want to buy a. 44 Magnum please. The shopkeeper informs the man that the. 44 is a very powerful gun, and asks the customer what he's going to use it for. The man replies, "I want to shoot cans!"What? Cans! You don't need a. 44 to shoot cans sir, a much smaller gun would do, advised the shopkeeper. The customer has enough and finally says, "Shut up and give me the dang. 44 Mag... I want to shoot AmeriCans, MexiCans, and AfriCans!

Those days in Sri Lanka everybody must have licence for their shot guns. U rawana messed up every thing and he forgot to get licence. On the last day he rushed to govt kachcheri that the place where licence are issued and talked to the counter clerk and said " I want to get licence for my gun, can I do that now?" But the counter was dull of hearing " licence for what???" U rawana said " gun... gun... You dont know gun? G for Gesus ( Jesus)U for urope (Europe) N for numonia (Pneumonia)??????????

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for more...

You might be a redneck if...

You've ever worn hunter's orange to church.

You have barnyard animals living in your house.

Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.

Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun control is a steady hand."

Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.

You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back door only for use on possums.

You have ever shot a possum on your porch.

You don't use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you can't see far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors' dogs when they get into it.

You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup.

You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your house.... not including 22 caliber.

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your drivers license? Driver: I dont have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owners card for this vehicle? Driver: Its not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: Thats right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owners card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: Theres a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. Thats where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. Officer: Theres a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain: Whos car is this? Driver: Its mine, officer. Heres the owner card. The driver owned the more...