Guy Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you have to help me!"The doctor asks, "Whats your problem?"The guy says, "Every morning I wake up with my morning flagpole... givethe wife a quick one, and then go to work. On the way to work, I carpoolwith the next door neighbors wife who gives me a blow job during the rideto work. Once I get there, I do some work and then at morning tea time, Igo into the photocopy room and crank one out with one of the young officegirls. At lunch, I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a goodboning. For afternoon tea, I give the bosss wife a good servicing. Then, I go home and slip the maid a few inches. Then at night, I give thewife another screw.......""So...????" asked the doctor. "Whats your problem???"The guy says, "Well, it hurts when I masturbate!"
A guy walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Ddddoc, I’ve bbbeen sssttttuttering ffor yyears and III’m tired of it. Ccccan yyyou hehehelp mmme??? ”
The doc says, “Well, I’ll have to examine you first before I can answer you. ”
The doc examines him and says, “Well, I’m pretty sure that I know what the problem is. ”
The guy asks, “wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc? ”
The doc says, ”It’s your penis. It’s about about 18 inches long and all of the down pressure is putting a strain on your vocal chords. ”
The guy asks, “Wwwhat ccan wwe ddo about it? ”
The doc replies, “Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one. I can guarantee that the operation will cure your stuttering. ”
The guy says, “Dddo it! ”
The guy has the operation and about four weeks later he comes back to the doctor’s office and says, “Thanks Doc. You’ve solved my problem and I don’t stutter any more but I’ve only had sex once more...
A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200. 00?"
Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"
The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100. 00?
Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"
The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".
Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!"
"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman “Give me six Double vodkas. ” The barman says “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day. ” “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay. ” The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too! ” On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women? ” “Yeah, my wife…”
After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry." Is that your husband?" he inquired nervously." No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him." Your boyfriend then?" he asked." No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear." Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, she answered, "That's me before the surgery."
A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it." The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?" The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque." "Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good. The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another." Money or another miracle else no drink", says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog more...
A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers window and asks, "You drinkin?"The driver said, "You buyin?"