Guy Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Cowboy was going deer hunting.. His blonde wife said she was going with him.. That they never did anything together.. So, they went.. He put her in a stand by herself.. Later in the morning he heard her shoot.. He went over to her stand and she was pointing her rifle at a guy with a cowboy hat on.. The guy was telling her, Ma'mm, you can have the deer you shot.. I just want to take my saddle off of him!

A man was driving home late one afternoon above the
speed limit. He noticed a police car with its red
lights in his rearview mirror.
He thought, "I can outrun this guy," so he floored
it and the race was on. The cars were racing down
the highway at 90 miles an hour.
Finally, as his speedometer passed 100, the guy
figured, "What the heck," and gave up.
He pulled over to the curb. The police officer got
out of his cruiser and approached the car.
He leaned down and said, "Listen mister,
I`ve had a really lousy day, and I just want
to go home. Give me a good excuse and
I`ll let you go."
The man thought for a moment and said,
"Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police
officer.
When I saw your cruiser in my rearview mirror,
I thought you were that officer and you were trying
to give her back to me!"

Three guys are in a bar on the top of a cliff. The first guy says to the other guys
"You know, if had just one more beer, I think I could fly." The second guy says
"No Way!" So the first guy orders a beer and drinks it.
Then all three guys walk out to the edge of the cliff. The first guy jumps off,
starts falling to the ground, and then flies back to the top of the cliff.
The second guy is totally amazed, so he says "You know, if I had another beer,
I bet I could do that too." So all three guys go into the bar, and the second guy
has another beer.
After he finished, he said "Ok, I will be able to fly now" So they all went
outside and the second guy jumped off of the cliff and feel to the bottom,
where he hit the ground and died instantly.
The third guy turned to thefirst guy and said "You know Superman, you
are a real jerk when you drink"

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy''s window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

The man says, "Sorry officer I can''t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I''ll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."

"I can''t do that either, i am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I''ll bleed to death."

"Well, then we need a urine sample."

"I''m sorry officer I can''t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I''ll get really low blood sugar."

"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."

"I can''t do that, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I''m too drunk to do that."

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange. The bartender hands the guy his beer and says,' 'You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head so small?''
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.' 'One day,'' he begins,' 'I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream.''
' 'No shit?'' says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.
' 'Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes.'''
' 'Keep going!''
I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked more...

There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous. He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But, he was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing..."I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone..."

A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder...the bartender looks up and says " where the hell did you get that thing? The Parrot replies " Over in Africa, there's millions of them "! !!!