Hail Jokes / Recent Jokes
There were four nuns, who had been together in the same convent all of their
adult years, all having become nuns immediately after leaving high school. Now
in their mid forties, these nuns began to discuss how much of real life they
had missed, and how limited had been their experiences in the "real" world.
Finally they conceived a plan, to correct this lack of experience, before their
looks were entirely gone. They pooled such savings as they had, borrowed money
from relatives, and all four went on a long weekend junket flight to that ever
popular, world capital of sin, Las Vegas.
As soon as they hit Vegas, the four nuns ditched their habits, and did the
rounds of all the beauty shops, the boutiques, and the shopping malls. All
dolled up, made up, and ready to go, they spent the entire weekend "out on the
town" in Vegas, having a marvelous time, and catching the red-eye back home
Sunday night.
Monday morning they more...
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says,' Father, forgive me for I have sinned.' The priest asks,' What did you do?' The woman says,' I committed adultery.' The priest says,' How many times?' And the woman replies,' Three.' Priest:' Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more.' A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says,' Father forgive me for I have sinned.'' What did you do?' I committed adultery.' r' How many times?'' Three times.' The priest says,' Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.' The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's more...
A Priest gets a call from one of his golfing buddies on a Saturday afternoon. "We've got a tee time at 3: 00 and need a fourth... can you make it?" Sadly the priest tells his friend that he has to hear confessions and cannot make it. His friend urges him to get a substitute. Well, being the only priest in this parish, he hasn't many choices. As he ponders his dilemma, he sees the custodian cleaning the church." Hey, Joe... can you help me out??" He explains his dilemma and asks Joe if he would hear confessions for him." Oh, no I wouldn't have any idea what to do!!"." Joe, don't worry... I have this card, you see. When someone confesses their sin, you look on the card... find the sin... and follow it over to the appropriate penance... it's that simple... here comes the first penetant... try it!!"So Joe goes into the confessional and the first penetant comes in and kneels before the screen..."Bless me Father... I have sinned... I have had more...
Santa Joined The Priest And Then Followed Him Into The Confessional. A Few Minutes Later A Woman Came In And Said "Father, Forgive Me For I Have Sinned"
Priest: "What Did You Do?"
Woman: " I Committed Adultery"
Priest: "How Many Times?"
Woman: "Three Times"
Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, Put $ 5. 00 In The Charity Box, And Sin No More"
A Few Minutes Later A Man Entered The Confessional. He Said
"Father, Forgive Me For I Have Sinned"
Priest: "What Did You Do?"
Man: "I Committed Adultery"
Priest: "How Many Times?"
Man: "Three Times"
Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, Put $ 5. 00 In The Charity Box, And Sin No More"
Santa, A Quick Learner, Told The Priest That He Understood The Job And The Priest Could Leave.
Santa more...
A new priest is being given instructions on what to do when he takes confession. The older priest tells the new man, for things like stealing, give 5 hail mary's, and for sleeping with the neighbours, 10 hail mary's.
So the new priest is taking confession one day. The first man in tells the priest he slept with the woman next door. The priest tells him to do 10 hail mary's and he's on his way.
The next man in, confesses to having a wank behind a bush. Somewhat puzzled, the priest steps out of the confessional box and asks two passing alter boys what the "old man" gives for a wank behind a bush.
The two boys reply, "A can of Coke and a Mars Bar."
A man was driving from New York to San Francisco. He got as far asCleveland, when he realized he was getting terribly horny. So he looked up a house of ill repute and took care of the problem. Immediately, a severe guilt reaction set in, so he went to confession. For penance, he was told to say 10, 000 Hail Mary's. So he went on driving and praying. By the time he got through with the 10, 000 Hail Mary's, he was approachingSan Francisco. Suddenly he realized he was terribly horny. So he looked up a house of ill repute, and had an orgy. Again there was asevere guilt reaction, so he went to confession. It was an old Irish priest who said, "For penance say three Hail Mary's". The man said, "What?? In Cleveland, I had to say 10, 000 Hail Mary's for the same thing. Father replied quietly, "Sure now, and what would they know about fucking in Cleveland?".