Haircut Jokes / Recent Jokes

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes."
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.
Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures - 25 cents." "Why not," thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a huge sign that read, "This Machine Provides more...

A blonde goes to get her haircut. The hair stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?" The blonde says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer on the back?"

Haircuts - The difference between men and women.
Women's version:
Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me more...

A blonde went to a beauty salon to get a haircut. When the beautician approached the chair where the blonde was waiting, she noticed that she was wearing a walkman. The beautician took the blonde to her styling booth. She asked the blonde, "Please take off the walkman so I can cut your hair." The blonde replied, "I can't do without it, just cut around it."
The beautician shook her head in disbelief and started cutting. A few minutes later the beautician stopped and asked the blonde, "I just can't cut your hair properly while you are wearing that walkman. Please take it off." The blonde replied, "I just can't live without it, cut around it please." The beautician started cutting again and finally had had enough.
The beautician reached down and pulled the earphones from the walkman off the blonde. Just as she did so the blonde froze, then fell out off the chair and on to the floor. The staff at the salon rushed to her aid only to discover more...

Soupy Sales used this at a local comedy club (as best as I can
remember it):
A young girl is sitting in a barber shop with her mother, eating
a twinkie, and anxiously awaiting her first haircut. When her
turn comes, she brings her twinkie with her to the chair, and
the barber covers her. Soon, she pulls the twinkie out for a
bite.
"You're getting hair on your twinkie," the barber playfully warns.
"Yes, I know," replies the girl. "And I'm getting boobs, too."

A blonde walked into a hairdresser's with a pair of headphones on and asked the hairdresser for a haircut - but "don't touch the headphones o.k.?"
"Fine" said the hairdresser - a little taken aback - but happy for the work.
Three weeks later, the same blonde returned and asked for another haircut but with the same condition, "Whatever you do... don't touch the headphones"
"No problem" said the hairdresser who went on to give her another good cut, considering the
restraint.
Three weeks later, the same thing happened "and don't forget - don't touch the headphones" said the blonde. Well, just as the hairdresser was finished, she couldn't resist and she just lifted
one side of the headphones up. The blonde promptly fell stone dead on the floor of the shop. "Oh my God - I think I've killed her" screamed the hairdresser. She picked up the headphones and put them on herself.
She heard the strangest more...

A blonde walks into a hairdressers and say i want my haircut. the hairdresser says not until u take thoses earphones out, so the next day she dyes her hair and comes back in and says can i get my haircut now and the hairdressers say NOT UNTIL U TAKE THOSE EARPHONES OUT, so the next day she dyes her hair brown and comes in the next day and says well can i now so the hairdresser got so sickened he pulled out the earhones and as he was nearly finish he noticeed the blonde wasnt breathing and then he listened to the earphone and it sayed "breathe in breathe out"