Hall Jokes / Recent Jokes

Eddie Van Halen entered rehab to "work on" himself. He may miss Van Halen's induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and a planned reunion tour this summer.

"I know things look bad", said Eddie, "but you have to focus on the bright side - I still have most of my teeth."

by Robert Chen
You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
21. When they're not looking, empty your bladder into an empty glass. Show contents to everyone and say, "This apple juice tastes funny. Here. Try some."
22. Every time someone takes a bite of their food, laugh uncontrollably. Stop suddenly and warn everyone not to laugh. Then take a bite of yours while giving everyone an evil eye.
23. Get a friend. Practice weightlifting tables. If people complain, weightlift them.
24. Get some clean plates and empty glasses. Sit down and stare them down.
25. During the meal, yell out, "Oh my gosh! It's still alive!" Grab your knife and start hacking at the meat.
26. Dress in clothes with lots of pockets. When you're in the dining hall, stuff them with all the food you can find. Waddle out of the dining hall, but on the way out, remark how the dining hall never has enough food.
27. more...

Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noisescoming from his parents' bedroom. He got out of bed and walkeddown the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it tothe end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroomlight had gone on. Little Johnny walked into the bathroom andsaw his father removing a used condom."Daddy, what are you doing?" asked little Johnny.His father looked around nervously wondering what he could tellhis son.I, um, I'm just checking out the bathroom for mice."replied his father.Johnny looked at his father with a gaze of confusion and said,"Well, what are you doing? Fucking them?"

It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year.

While taking the roll, she was told by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer".

So she said "There'll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!".

The kid said "No, really teacher, it IS Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you
don't believe me!" Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door.

The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?"

"Hell no!"replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"

1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.
2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house - only computers with laser printers.
4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.
6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers - and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while more...

Hall's Laws of Politics: 1) The voters want fewer taxes and more spending. 2) Citizens want honest politicians until they want something fixed. 3) Constituency drives out consistency (i.e., liberals defend military spending, and conservatives social spending in their own districts).

After Christmas break, a teacher asked her young pupils to write an essay about how they spent their holidays. One small boy wrote the following: We always used to spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They ride on three-wheeled tricycles and they all wear name tags, because they don't know who they are. They go to a big building called a wrecked hall, but if it was wrecked, they got it fixed because it is alright now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very good. There is a swimming pool there. They go in it and just stand there with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. As you go into their park, there is a doll house with a little man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. When they can sneak out they go more...