Hall Jokes / Recent Jokes

One of my husbands duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S. C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"

There was great disorder in the Hall of the August Personages.
"All these meetings have really confused me," said the Lord of Storms. "Now I don't know if I have to send rain or generate a storm."
The Lord of Happiness was equally furious. "I don't know if I have to reward a person with a lucky win or deliver hope to their doorstep."
"What about me?" said the Lord of Natural Disasters, "I don't know when to move the Earth or when to erupt a volcano."
The Lord of Orders (whose job was to organise meetings) finally spoke.
"Let us," he said, "hold a meeting to discuss our meetings."
Moral: "A rooster only gets pleasure in crowing."

In a Test between India and the West Indies, the fiery Wes Hall was sending quivers down the Indian spine. The new batsman walked slowly to the crease, not feeling unlike a lamb at the slaughter house.

As the great bowler thundered in, suddenly he stood up in the crease, and signalled that he wanted the sight screen adjusted.

Adjustments were made and the bowler was ready to come in again.

Once again, in the middle of his run-up, the batsman found something disturbing in the sight screen. Indeed, this went on a few times before the irritated umpire walked up to the batsman and enquired,

"Where do you want the sight screen, for God's sake?"

The batsman asked, with an ounce of fear, " Couldn't I have between him and me?"

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;
The phasers were hung in the armoury securely,
In hope that no alien would get up that early.
The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
(Except for the few who were partying drunks);
And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,
Had just settled down for a neat face to face...
When out in the hall there arose such a racket,
That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pant and jacket.
Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
Leapt into the cars and yelled loudly "Deck One!"
The bridge red-alert lights, which flashed through the din,
Gave a lustre of Hades to objects within.
When, what on the viewscreen, our eyes should behold,
But a weird kind of sleigh, and some guy who looked old.
But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,
That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.
His sleigh grew more...

Chow TimeOne of my husband`s duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"Checking to see that he had everyone`s attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"

Brezhnev, a former ruler of Russia, was thought not to be too bright. He comes to address a big Communist party meeting, and starts:
"Dear Comrade Imperialists,"
The whole hall perked up - "what did he say??" Brezhnev tried again...
"Dear Comrade Imperialists,"
Well, by now the hall was in pandemonium - was he trying to call them Imperialists? Then, an advisor walked over to the podium and pointed to the speech for Brezhnev. "Oh..." he muttered, and started again:
"Dear Comrades, Imperialists are everywhere."

A doctor died and went to hell. He was met at the gate and asked to stand in a room and wait for Satan. After 4 hours Satan finally appeared. The doctor was incensed. Poking his watch he said, "How could you keep me waiting so long!! I am an important man! I'm a doctor!"
Satan replied, "Doctors are a dime a dozen here in Hell. But I'll tell you what. Since you had to wait so long, I will give you a choice of which part of hell you will spend eternity in."
Satan took the doctor down a hall and said, "Here. I'll be back shortly. You can choose between Door #1 and Door #2. I'll be back and you can let me know where you want to be assigned."
The doctor opened Door #1. Inside was an Intensive Care Unit. Blood was spurting, alarms were going off and patients were coding. A man in the corner extubated himself as a woman in the center fell out of bed. The doctor quickly shut the door and said, "My God, I really am in Hell. I'd better check more...