Halloween Jokes / Recent Jokes
A ghost joke
What happened when the ghost asked for a whiskey at his local bar?
The bartender said “Sorry sir, we don’t serve spirits here”!
A cannibal joke
Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people!
A witch joke
What’s the witches favourite pop group?
Broomski Beat!
A Halloween joke
What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party?
No one moved, they couldn’t stir without her!
A witch joke
What is evil and ugly on the inside and green on the outside?
A witch dressed as a cucumber!
A vampire joke
Why does Dracula have no friends?
Because he’s a pain in the neck!
A witch joke
How can you tell when a witch is really ugly?
When a wasp stings her it closes his eyes!
Just in case you have forgotten the rules for a safe and Happy Halloween.
When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if
it's really dead.
Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they
should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief
in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill
them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody
else's voice.
When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.
As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply
to any other house of the dead as well.
If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out
that it's just the cat, GET more...
One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes. She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, "what are you supposed to say sweetheart?" The little girl looks up at the woman and says "Twick or Tweat!" The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, "Go ahead honey say it just one more time." Once again the little Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!" The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl's Treat Bag. The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, "Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my f**king cookies!"
A Halloween joke
What do witches eat at Halloween?
Spooketti, halloweenies, devils food cake and booberry pie!
A vampire joke
What’s Dracula’s car called?
A mobile blood unit!
A werewolf joke
What do you call a hairy beast with clothes on?
A wear-wolf!
A witch joke
Why did the witch go over the mountain?
Because she couldn’t go under it!
A skeleton joke
Why didn’t the skeleton want to play football?
Because his heart wasn’t in it!
A cannibal joke
Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
A wizard joke
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!
Wheres the most dangerous place to go trick-or-treating? On the psycho path!
On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were havingtrouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got madand stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came backcompletely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out ofthe room himself. Twenty minutes passed and then he came backhimself with a potato around his dick. The wife gave him a wierd look and then the husband replied"If your going as a sour-puss, I going as a dictator".