Hammer Jokes / Recent Jokes

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den." What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked." That is the talking clock", the man replied." How's it work?" the friend asked." Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall... "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two o'clock in the morning!

One day, Mrs. Trimble was in terrible pain. Fortunately, old Dr. Stuart still made house calls.
The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and asked Mr. Trimble, "Do you have a hammer?"
Puzzled, Mr. Trimble went into his workshop and returned with a hammer.
The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom.
A few moments later, the doctor came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?"
Mr. Trimble went to his workshop again and returned with a chisel.
Within the next few minutes, Dr. Stuart asked Mr. Trimble for and received a pair of pliers, a screwdriver, and a hacksaw.
The hacksaw request really got to Mr. Trimble. "What are you doing to my wife?" he asked.
"Nothing," replied Dr. Stuart. "I can't get my medical bag open!"

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" the friend asked. "Watch," the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It's two AM!"

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

"That is the talking clock", the man replied.

"How's it work?" the friend asked.

"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall...
"KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two o'clock in the morning!

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died.
St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."
The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."
St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.
He then asked the next man in line about the day he died.
"Well, sir, it more...

A man is in court for murder and the judge says "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
Then a voice at the back of the court says, "You bastard!"
Then the judge continues, "you are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer."
Again the voice at the back of the court says, "You bastard!"
The judge says, "Now, we cannot have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt of court. Now, what is the problem?"
The man at the back of the court replies, "Fifteen years I lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer he said he never had one!"

A man was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You bastard!"
The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer."
Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You damn bastard!"
The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you, or I shall charge you with contempt! Now is that a problem?"
The man at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen years I lived next door to that bastard and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he never had one!"