Hamster Jokes / Recent Jokes
A mangy looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way, pal. I don't think you can pay for it."
"You're right, " the guy says, "I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before will you give me a drink?"
"You have a deal my friend," says the bartender.
The guy reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar, it runs to the end of the bar, down the side of the bar, across the room, up the piano, onto the keyboard and starts playing Gerswhin.
"You're right I haven't heard anyting like that before," says the bartender. "The hamster is really gifted."
The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. "Will that be cash or another miracle, pal?" asks the bartender.
"Watch this," replies the guy.
Again, he reaches into his coat and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog onto the more...
A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be 1000, please". "A 1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".
A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vets diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking its head. "Its definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be L1000, please". "A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "Theres my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".
there was a guy who thoght his wife was cheating on him.so he went to the pet store to by a hamster to watch her while he was gone.he saw one hamster it was $500 dollers he thoght it was too much.he saw another one but it was $200 dollers.still too much.he saw one that was $25 dollers, he took it.the pet store manager said "there are 2 things you have to know,1 it tells you everything that happened that day and 2 it hangs by its balls.so he names the hamster charlie.he gtes back from work and says,""charlie what hyappened today."mail man come.then wa=hat happened mail man deliver mail.then what happened.wife invite mail man inside.then what happened.mail man take wifes shirt off.then what happened. mail man and wife have sex. then what happened.sorry, fell of boner.
Kind of long, but it will give you a good laugh!!
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush
burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!
Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet.
Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"
I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do."Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"
"Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having more...
If you're feeling a bit stressed, try these to deal with it...
Dance naked in front of your pets.
Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send them off to school as if nothing is wrong. (NOTE: this also works well with the hubby who stayed at the pub too long.)
Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at once. (Always have a witness on hand, just in case you attempt the Guiness World Record)
Tattoo "out to lunch" on your forehead.
Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
Find out what a frog in a blender "really" looks like. (Hamster in the microwave works well too.)
Sit naked on a shelled hard boiled egg. ("Don't knock it until you try it!")
Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
Make up a language and ask people for directions. (Works great at 7-11's!)
Replace the filling of a Twinkie with ketchup and place it back in more...
If you're feeling a bit stressed, try these to deal with it...Dance naked in front of your pets.Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send them off to school as if nothing is wrong. (NOTE: this also works well with the hubby who stayed at the pub too long.)Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at once. (Always have a witness on hand, just in case you attempt the Guiness World Record)Tattoo "out to lunch" on your forehead.Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.Find out what a frog in a blender "really" looks like. (Hamster in the microwave works well too.)Sit naked on a shelled hard boiled egg. ("Don't knock it until you try it!")Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.Make up a language and ask people for directions. (Works great at 7-11's!)Replace the filling of a Twinkie with ketchup and place it back in the wrapper. (KIDS: make sure you make a nice note more...