Hang Jokes / Recent Jokes
THE MEN'S GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're. .. so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost more...
WOMEN? S LANGUAGE TRANSLATEDYes = NoNo = YesMaybe = NoI? m sorry. = You? ll be sorry. We need... = I wantIt? s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want... = You? ll pay for this later. We need to talk... = I need to complain Sure... go ahead = I don? t want you to. I? m not upset = Of course I? m upset, you moron! You? re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. You? re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains =. .. and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I? m going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you? re really not going to like. I? ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. Am I more...
Via New York Times
According to a new study, US 4th and 8th grade students have made significant improvements in math as compared to recent years. The study then goes on to say that we're still not doing as well as the Asians. But I would like to point out that we're more fun than the Asians, so who would you rather hang out with? Oh... wait... they had the Olympics this year.... OK... except for this year.. who would you rather hang out with?
I used to be really good at math, but now that I'm not in school I suck. The other day someone asked me what 16 + 7 was, and I said "hmm, it's at least 20"
Hard Drive: Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and a trailer load of fertiliser.
Keyboard: Place to hang your truck keys.
Window: Place in your truck to hang your guns
Modem: How you got rid of your dandelions
Reboot: What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff
Mouse: Soft, fuzzy thing that you stuff in your beer bottle to get a free case
LAN: To borrow, as in, "Hey Dilbert! LAN me your truck!"
Cursor: What some guys do when they get mad at their woman
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're. .. so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do more...
You understand the rationalization of an acronym comprised of acronyms.
You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can't explain in the simplest terms what they do.
You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to its importance:
(1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor.
(2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention.
You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym.
You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards.
The process becomes more important than the product.
You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about.
You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there.
You realize that a paperless office is impossible. Actually, you believe it is possible, just not in your office.
You keep more...