Hang Jokes / Recent Jokes

THE LIFE OF A COMPUTER ANALYST (Long but VERY Funny!) Monday ------ 8: 05am User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password retrieval utility called FDISK. Blissfully ignorant, they thank me and hang up. God, we let these people vote and drive, too? 8: 12am Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports database. Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, "Well, it works for me." Let them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffeemaker from the UPS and plugged their server back in. Suggested they try it again. One more happy customer... 8: 14 am User from 8: 05 call said they received error message "Error accessing Drive 0." Told them it was an OS problem. Transferred them to microsupport. 11: 00 am Relatively quiet for last few hours. Decide to plug support phone back in so I can call my girlfriend. Says parents are coming into town this weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to janitorial closet down in basement. What is she more...

1. Bicycle handle grips.
2. French tickler animals.
3. Shower caps for people with tiny heads.
4. Put one on a light bulb for mood lighting.
5. Fill one with helium and tie a note to it.
6. Get 1000 and make a submarine.
7. Put one over the showerhead to surprise Dad.
8. Put 'em on your cat's feet to keep it from climbing the curtains.
9. Blow a bunch up and tie them to the cars outside a wedding.
10. Put one on your nose and be Bobo the clown.
11. Water wings for those non-swimmers.
12. Use 500 of them to spell out "We Want Women!!" on your house.
13. Jello molds.
14. Finger puppets.
15. A wind sock.
16. Use as a bobber when fishing.
17. Put them on soda cans to keep the fizz in when you're not drinking it.
18. Practical joke: Put one on an exhaust pipe.
19. Suspenders.
20. Recycle as a Burger King ketchup baggie. (or would mayonnaise be better?)
21. Small animal muzzle.
22. Put them on your more...

Hard drive - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer."Keyboard" - Place to hang your truck keys."Window"
Place in the truck to hang your guns."Floppy"
When you run out of Polygrip."Modem"
How you got rid of your dandelions."ROM"
Delicious when you mix it with coca cola."Byte"
First word in a kiss-off phrase. "Reboot"
What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff."Network"
Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line."Mouse"
Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case."LAN"-- To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck.""Cursor"
What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend."bit"
A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch more...

Hard drive - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer."Keyboard" - Place to hang your truck keys."Window"
Place in the truck to hang your guns."Floppy"
When you run out of Polygrip."Modem"
How you got rid of your dandelions."ROM"
Delicious when you mix it with coca cola."Byte"
First word in a kiss-off phrase."Reboot"
What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff."Network"
Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line."Mouse"
Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case."LAN"
To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck.""Cursor"
What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend."bit"
A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch more...

Hard Drive = Attempting to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and hauling a trailer load of fertilizer.
Window = Place in your truck to hang your guns.
Keyboard = Place to hang your truck keys.
Modem = How you got rid of your dandelions.
Floppy = When you run out of Polygrip.
Byte = First word in a kiss-off phrase.
Cursor = What some guys do when they get mad at their wife/girlfriend.
Bit = A wager, as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
Reboot = What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
LAN = To borrow, as in "Hey, Bubba! LAN me your truck."
Packet = What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
Digital Control = What your fingers do on the TV remote.
Mouse = Soft, fuzzy thing you stuff in your beer bottle to get a free case.
Network = Activity meant to provide bait for your trout line.

Hard Drive: Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and a trailer load of fertiliser.
Keyboard: Place to hang your truck keys.
Window: Place in your truck to hang your guns
Modem: How you got rid of your dandelions
Reboot: What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff
Mouse: Soft, fuzzy thing that you stuff in your beer bottle to get a free case
LAN: To borrow, as in, "Hey Dilbert! LAN me your truck!"
Cursor: What some guys do when they get mad at their woman

A teacher, Mrs. Jones, asked each of her students how they
celebrated Christmas. She called first on young Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me, Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time?"

Patrick addressed the class "Me and my twelve brothers and sister
go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns. Then we come home very
late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our
stockings. Then we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come
with all our toys."

"Very nice, Patrick," she said. "Now, Jimmy Brown, what do you do
at Christmas?"

"Me and my sister also go to church with Mum and Dad, and we sing
carols. When we get home, we put cookies and milk by the chimney
and hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus
to bring our presents."

"That's also very nice, Jimmy," she said.

Realizing that there was a Jewish boy more...