Happy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans.
Bill: "Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy."
Hillary: "Well, why don't you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy."
Al: "Why don't you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy."
Tipper: "Why don't we all jump out the window and make everybody throughout the United States and world happy."
A man will pay $2 for an item that costs $1 if he wants it. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want because it's on sale. A woman worries about he future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find that man. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and don't expect to understand her at all. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. Any married man can forget his past mistakes: there's no reason for two people to keep track of the same things. A woman marries a man expecting him to change, and he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting her not to change, and she does. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Bill Clinton was in an airplane and he told to his friend: "You know, if a throw this 1000 bill, i could make very happy 1 man".
His friend told him:"yes, but if you drop 2 bills of 500 you could make happy 2 guys".
One man who was listening all told them:"thats true, but if I throw you both, i could make happy all the nation".
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A more...
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
An XT clone in a Pentium zone.
Another engineering prototype that should not have been shipped.
Answers the door when the phone rings.
Any slower and he'd be in reverse. -- Gignac
As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot.
As bent as a corkscrew.
As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb.
As happy as if he had brains.
As happy as the village idiot.
As much use as a back pocket in a vest. (Very English.)
As much use as a lead parachute.
As quick as a corpse.
As rare as a nine bob note. (Very English.)
As sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beachball / pin head / wet sponge / bowl of Jello / mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart.
SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
STYLE:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
MONEY:
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn''t want.
HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
MARRIAGE EXPECTATIONS:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn''t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won''t change and she does.
MARRIAGE DECISIONS:
Men marry because they are tired.
Women marry because they are curious.
Both are disappointed.
MARRIAGE AND THE FUTURE:
A more...