Happy Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk - the ghost which 'lived' there was feared by all.
However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost "I mean no harm - I just want your photograph". The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines - he posed for a number of ghostly shots.
The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.
So what's the moral of the story?
The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
December 1
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
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December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that, Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There more...
I love my Job, I love the Pay! I love it more and more each day.
I love my Boss, he's the best! I love his boss and all the rest.
I love my Office and its location - I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray, and the paper that piles up every day!
I love my chair in my padded cell! There's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers - I love their leers and jeers and sneers.
I love my computer and all its software, I hug it often though it doesn't care...
I love each program and every file, I try to understand once in a while!!
I'm happy to be here, I am I am, I'm happy to give lots of taxes to my Uncle Sam.
I love this Work, I love these Chores. I love the meetings with deadly bores.
I love my Job - I'll say it again - I even love these friendly Men. The men who've come to visit today, In those lovely white coats to take me away!!
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me: TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note), TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping, NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression, EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans, SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands, SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products, FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the more...
There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk - the ghost which 'lived' there was feared by all.However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost "I mean no harm - I just want your photograph". The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines - he posed for a number of ghostly shots.The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.So what's the moral of the story? The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
On the first day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me a Big
Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the second day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Two
Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the third day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Three
Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Four
Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big
Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Five
onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy
Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the sixth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me Six
chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three
Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the seventh day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me more...
On a man's 33rd birthday he gets a package at the Post Office and goes to collect it.
At the counter the woman brings his package to him, and the man says, "It's my birthday today."
"Oh, happy birthday, how old are you?", asks the Post Office worker.
"33.", says the man.
"Well, have a good day.", says the worker.
"Thank you.", replied the man.
To get home, the man has to take the bus. At the bus stop an old lady walks up and waits soon after he arrives.
The man says to the old lady,
"It's my birthday today."
"Oh, happy birthday.", says the old lady.
"I'm..."
"No don't tell me.", interjects the old lady, "I know a unique way of telling how old somebody is."
"Oh yeah? What's that then?", asks the man.
"If I can feel your balls for about 5 minutes, I can tell exactly how many years old you are.", says the old more...