Hate Jokes / Recent Jokes

If your favorite color is: RED Tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark is lighted, it may take hours to extinguish. When two Reds get together, the ensuing erotica could make Lady Chatterley blush. Lovers of Red tend to be the aggressors and weaker colors should beware! YELLOW If you tend to favor Yellow your sexual drivers are complex and lean toward the adaptable. The favorite color of homosexuals is Yellow! No don't panic, not everyone who wears Yellow is gay. In most cases the person will acquiesce to the stronger partner's desires in a passive manner. You will never enjoy sex to the fullest, but you will never turn down an invitation from someone you enjoy or admire. PURPLE Lovers of the color Purple frequently consider themselves too regal for a fun romp in the sack. Women sometimes are the type who hate to muss their hair. Men are businesslike in their approach to lovemaking. In both sexes, Purple more...

Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being.
You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.
It’s your life - but I wish you’d let us have it.
Hey, act your age - senile!
I’ve had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
You’re the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you.
In the dictionary under the word, “stupid, ” it says, “see him. ”
We know you could not live without us. We’ll pay for the funeral.
We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.
Don’t you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?
The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.
When you get run over by a car, it shouldn’t be listed under accidents.

Once there was a man who wanted a pet. So he went to the pet shop to buy a bird that could sing. the owner siad ''this is an Amazon singing bird. If you put it over water it will sing a song about the sea. If you put it over the train tracks it will sing a song about working on rail road. But never put it over fire.'' So he took it to the lake and put over the water. The bird started to sing a pirates life. ''UHHHH I hate this song. so he took the bird from over the water. He did the same thing with the tracks the bird sung I've been working on the railroads.''UHHHHHH I hate this song too. hmmmm I wonder what would happen if I put him over fire. so he lit a match and the bird sung Chestnuts Roasting over an open fire.

Statistics compiled by MAD Magazine Issue 228, January 1982. (Dated but still a relevant source). 40% - Presents. 6% - Presents with no useful functions. 4% - Presents with a function, but which will never be used. 10% - Presents the recipient will say they like, but really hate. 11% - Presents you really want for yourself, and plan to use after the intended recipients get tired of them. 6% - Presents for people you hate, but feel you have to buy for. -Presents the recipients will really like. 3% - T-shirts with writings on them. 21% - Decorations. 6% - Christmas tree (less if you're really cheap and wait till Dec. 24th to buy it!). 1% - Christmas tree lights to replace the ones that burned out last year. 1% - Christmas tree lights to replace the ones you stepped on this year. 2% - Christmas tree ornaments. 3% - Christmas tree ornaments hangers (includes the gas for that extra trip you always have to make back to store because there weren't enough hangers supplied with the ornaments). more...

If you take a dog in and feed it, it will remain loyal to you and never turn on you. This is the principle difference between a man and a dog" - Mark Twain

A couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words' sex' and' love.' The woman wrote' When two people love each other very much, like Bob and I, it is morally acceptapble for them to engage in sex.' And Bob wrote' I love sex.'

A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one.

A man is like a fine wine. He starts out raw as grapes and it's a woman's job to stomp on him and keep him in the dark until he matures into something she'd like to have dinner with.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "I was a fool when I married you." she replied "yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Any married man should more...

Chorus: The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree.
The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Husband (2): Rigging up the lights,
C: And finding a Christmas tree.
The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Inebriated man: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
C: And finding a Christmas tree.
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Frustrated man (4): Sending Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
C: And finding a Christmas tree.
The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Five months of bills,
4: Sending Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
C: And finding a Christmas tree.
The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Frustrated wife (6): Facing my in-laws,
C: Five months of bills,
4: Oh, I hate those Christmas cards,
3: more...

Once there were three construction workers. When it was lunchtime one day, they all sat down together.The first one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, turkey! I hate turkey!" So he shot himself with a rivet gun.The second one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, ham! I hate ham!" So he jumped off the building.The third one opened his box and said, "Eeew, mac and cheese! I hate mac and cheese!" So he ran himself over with a bulldozer.At the funeral, their three wives were talking about their lost husbands. The first two were very sad, but the third was rather puzzled.The first wife said, "I thought he liked turkey!"The second one said, "I thought he liked ham!"But the third one was still puzzled. She said, "I thought he packed his own lunch."