Health Jokes / Recent Jokes
A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.
The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You'll feel so much better!"
The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.
So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!"
The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.
"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you'll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the more...
A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO (health maintenance organization) have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their lives.
The doctor says, "I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for and healing thousands of poor people."
Saint Peter says, "That's great. Go ahead into heaven. And what about you, nurse?"
The nurse says, "I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult."
Saint Peter replies, "Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?"
The HMO director says, "I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country." Saint Peter says, "Oh, I see. Please go in. .. but you can only stay two nights!"
In order to avoid contracting the Swine Flu, the World Health Organization recommends staying away from areas where large numbers of people gather. Like Paris Hilton's vagina.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
For all you health nuts out there:
1) My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the heck she is.
2) The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
3) I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
4) I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
5) I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
6) I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
7) I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
8) The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
9) If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
10) I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my more...
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.""Your mother's side or your father's?" I asked."Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family.""Oh, come now," I said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"He sighed. "You oughta meet' em sometime, Doc!"
Health care costs are rising uncontrollably across the world. In America, taxes have been on the rise just to pay for them.
In England, they have begun rationing health care services and in some cases they have waiting lists for certain services just to reduce costs even more. In fact, they now have a nine month waiting list for abortions.