Hearse Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman walked out of a coffee shop just in time to see a very strange sight.
Moving slowly down the street was a funeral procession which consisted of a hearse followed by another hearse, followed by a woman walking a dog, followed by 200 women in a long line.
The procession was moving slowly and her curiosity got the best of her.So she walked up to the woman with the dog.
I hope you don't mind me asking, who is in the first hearse?
That's my husband. He was attacked by our dog and killed.
Well, who is in the second hearse?
That's my mother in law. She tried to save him and was killed by the dog too.
Is this the dog, she asked?
"Yes" said the widow.
The first woman thought about it for a minute and then asked. "Can I borrow your dog?"
Sure, said the widow,"get in the line".

A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second black hearse just 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her 200 women walking single file.
The woman's curiosity got the best of her. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
The woman replied, "Well, the first hearse is for my husband."
"What happened to him?"
The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."
The woman was even more inquisitive, "Well, who's in the second hearse?"
"My-mother-in law. She tried to help my husband when the dog turned on her and killed her too."
A poignant and more...

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through our house
was blasting the "St. Vitus Dance" by Bauhaus;
Torn fishnets were draped on my forearms with care,
And two cans of Aquanet applied to my hair;
My thoughts were of graveyards, and horror and dread,
Black visions of pain and despair in my head;
And Bianca, whose face was as pale as the moon,
Had thrown up her arm for this evening's swoon,
When out by the gravestones there came such a clatter,
I sprang from the coffin to find out the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a ghost,
Expecting to find a dark devilish host.
The moon on the breast of the uncaring snow
Threw ominous shadows on objects below,
When, before my tormented eyes did traverse,
But a gorgeous black Crane & Breed carved-panel hearse,
With a gaunt, shrouded driver, who filled me with fear,
And eight skeletal creatures that might have been deer.
More rapid more...

One fall day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearsegoing down the street, followed by another hearse, followed by aman walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200men walking in single file. Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse andasked who was in the first one. "My wife," the man replied." I'm sorry," said Dave. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Dave was taken aback. "And who's in the second hearse?" "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her too and she died as well." Dave asked, "Can I borrow your dog?" "Get in line."

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog and then about 200 men walking in single file.
Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse.
"My wife," the man replied.
"I'm sorry," said Bill. "What happened to her?"
"My dog bit her and she died."
Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well."
Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man,
"Can I borrow your dog?"
To which the man replied, "Get in line."

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Bill. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well." Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, "Can I borrow your dog?" To which the man replied, "Get in line."