Hearst Jokes

NEW YORK - New York Stock Exchange officials released a statement Monday admitting that the exchange, one of the primary means by which the nation's economic health is measured, is in reality a made-up and largely random mishmash of numbers and meaningless statistics.
"The whole 'stock exchange' idea came about around the turn of the century at the request of publisher William Randolph Hearst, who was looking for something to fill the back half of his New York Journal," NYSE's Ian Silver said. "So a man named Henry Tillman came up with the idea of a 'stock-ticker' device, which spewed out reams of bogus numbers for Hearst to reprint."
NYSE has no plans to disband.

Now that one plan offered by Bush to Saddam is exile, the question is Where? Roy Rivenburg of the L.A. Times (with a little help from the newspaper The Oregonian's column The Edge) have come up with some ideas:

Fox TV: Writes Rivenburg: "On the heels of' Joe Millionaire,' Fox could produce a new series called' Joe Dictator,' in which 20 beautiful women compete to become Saddam's mistress. During the courting process Saddam would tell the women he's the potentate of an oil-rich Middle Eastern nation. Not until the final episode would he reveal the truth -- that he has been driven from power and doesn't have a single weapon of mass destruction to his name."

Pro Wrestling: If World Wrestling Entertainment needs a new bad guy, he's the perfect candidate: Saddam Insane.

"The Real World: Las Vegas": Is there room for one more stranger in the infamous hot tub?

He could become O.J. Simpson's caddy or...

Al Gore's more...