Heavenly Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was a Pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers, a man who led with gentleness, faith and wisdom. His passing was grieved by the entire world, Catholic or not.
As the Pope approached the gates of heaven it was St. Peter himself who greeteed him with a firm embrace
"Welcome your holiness, your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has earned you great statue in heaven. You may pass through The Gates without delay and are granted free access to all parts of heaven. You are also granted an open door policy and may at your own discretion meet with any heavenly leader, including the Father without prior appointment.
Is there anything your Holiness desires?
"Well yes" the Pope replied. " I have often pondered some of the mysteries which have puzzled and confounded theologians through the ages. Are there perhaps any transcripts which recorded the actual conversations between The Lord and the prophets of more...
There was a Pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers, a man who led with gentleness, faith and wisdom. His passing was grieved by the entire world, Catholic or not.
As the Pope approached the gates of heaven, it was Saint Peter who greeted him in a firm embrace.
"Welcome your holiness, your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has earned you great stature in heaven. You may pass through the gates without delay and are granted free access to all parts of heaven."
"You are also granted an open door policy and may at your own discretion meet with any heavenly leader, including the Father without prior appointment."
"Is there anything which your holiness desires?"
"Well, yes," the Pope replied. "I have often pondered some of the mysteries which have puzzled and confounded theologians through the ages.
Are there perhaps any transcripts which recorded the Actual conversations more...
There was a Pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers, a man who led with gentleness, faith and wisdom. His passing was grieved by the entire world, Catholic or not.As the Pope approached the gates of heaven, it was Saint Peter who greeted him in a firm embrace."Welcome your holiness, your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has earned you great stature in heaven. You may pass through the gates without delay and are granted free access to all parts of heaven.""You are also granted an open door policy and may at your own discretion meet with any heavenly leader, including the Father without prior appointment.""Is there anything which your holiness desires?""Well, yes," the Pope replied. "I have often pondered some of the mysteries which have puzzled and confounded theologians through the ages.Are there perhaps any transcripts which recorded the Actual conversations between God and the prophets of more...
Most of us have now cultured to live with voice mail as a essential part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following response:
Thank you for calling heaven.
For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3
Please choose one of the following options:
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others
I am apologetic, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3
To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign.
(If you receive a refusal response, please hang more...
'Twas the fight before Christmas
when all through the house
the tension was rising
'tween in-laws and spouse.
Expecting the onslaught, she'd shopped, wrapped, and baked,
Mom verged on exhaustion, her back cramped and ached.
"This year will be perfect!" determined she vowed
Then she lined up her brood, and she ordered aloud,
"Now, listen up, kids! Clean your ears, so you'll hear it!
You'll stop all your whining and get into the spirit!"
Their kinfolk were traveling from locales afar,
to watch little Jen as she held up the Star,
Jeremiah as drummer, and Jimmy as goat,
and the rest of the rugrats playing Heavenly Host.
The pastor who cast them, though' twas said he was braver
didn't trust Baby Paul to portray the sweet Savior.
Now the eve of the holiday pageant had come.
The mock angels fluttered, the wee drummer drummed,
and drummed and he drummed until Mom thought she'd more...
A Producer and the Pope die at the same time and show up at the pearly gates together. St Peter says to both of them, "Glad to see you. Come on in and see where your heavenly home is."
So they go inside and walk along the golden path to an area where there are glorious palaces on both sides of the street. St. Peter points to the most beautiful of them and says to the Producer, "Here's your place. Have a nice eternity," and he and the Pope continue to walk along the road.
After a couple of miles the gold road turns to cement, and the palaces turn to 4 bedroom estates, and they keep walking. A mile more, and the road turns into black top, and the houses become bungalows. A mile more, and the road turns to dirt, and the houses to hovels.
St. Peter stops in front of the meanest, dirtiest hovel and says to the Pope, "Here's your heavenly home."
The Pope goes ballistic and says, "What do you mean? You gave that other guy a palace, and more...
It had been raining for days and days, and a great flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.
As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the more...