Hell Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bill Gates dies and is face to face with God. God says "Bill, I just don't
know what to do with you. You've done a lot of good but have also caused many millions of my subjects a great deal of anguish. I'll let you decide whether you want to go to Heaven or Hell". Bill says "Can I have a look at each before I choose?". God says "Sure". So God takes him to Hell and there are beautiful girls in small bikinis playing around a sun drenched pool. Cool drinks and sandwiches. Happiness and gaiety. God shows him heaven with angels singing to organ music.
Bill says " Hey, this is a no brainer. I'll take Hell anyday." A
year passes and God decides to visit Hell and check up on how Bill is doing. Bill is chained to a large burning brimstone and is in constant agony. God says "Hey Bill, how's it going?". Bill says, "God, you showed me beautiful girls in bikinies with sun drenched pool and cool drinks. Happiness and gaity for more...
There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married... and then it was too late!"Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell. A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive. -- Bruce FriedmanA coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. -- Marvin KitmanA gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present. A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke. A husband is what's left of the lover after the more...
A Collection of Lawyer Jokes
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the more...
THIS LITTLE BOY GOES UP TO HIS FATHER ONE DAY AND ASKS HIS FATHER WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALISTICALLY AND POTENTIALLY.
HIS FATHER SAYS, "GO UP TO YOUR MOTHER AND ASK HER IF SHE WOULD HAVE SEX WITH ROBERT REDFERD FOR A MILLION DOLLARS. THEN ASK YOUR SISTER IF SHE WOULD SLEEP WITH BRAD PITT FOR A MILLION DOLLARS. THEN ASK YOUR BROTHER IF HE WAS SLEEP WITH TOM CRUISE FOR A MILLION DOLLARS."
SO THE BOY FINDS HIS MOM AND ASKS HER, "MOMMY WOULD YOU SLEEP WITH ROBERT REDFERD FOR A MILLION DOLLARS?"
THE MOTHER SAYS, "YES HE'S FINE AS HELL I'D SLEEP WITH HIM FOR A MILLION DOLLARS."
THE LITTLE BOY GOES UP TO HIS SISTER AND ASKS HER,"WOULD YOU SLEEP WITH BRAD PITT FOR A MILLION DOLLARS?"
THE SISTER SAYS, "HELL YEH HE'S HOT AS HELL."
HE GOES UP TO HIS BROTHER AND ASKS HIS, "WOULD YOU SLEEP WITH TOM CRUISE FOR A MILLION DOLLARS?"
THE BROTHER SAYS, "HELL YEH, I'D SLEEP WITH HIM FOR A MILLION more...
JOHNNY WAS DOWNSTAIRS PLAYING WITH HIS TRAINS,ROLLING THEM ALONG ON THE FLOOR. ALL OF A SUDDEN HE STOPS THE TRAIN AND SAYS: "WHO EVER WANTS TO GET ON, GET THE HELL ON. WHO EVER WANTS TO GET OFF, GET THE HELL OF."
THEN HIS MOTHER WALKS IN AND YELLED," JOHNNY, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NEVER TO SAY THOSE WORDS."
JOHNNY JUST KEPT ON PLAYING WITH HIS TRAINS AND STOPPED THEM AND SAID: "WHO EVER WANTS TO GET ON, GET THE HELL ON. WHO EVER WANTS TO GET OFF, GET THE HELL OFF."
HIS MOTHER OPENED THE DOOR AND YELLED: "JOHNNY, THE NEXT TIME YOU SAY THAT WORD YOU WILL HAVE TO GO TO YOUR ROOM FOR AN HOUR TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID WRONG."
JOHNNY DIDN'T REALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY, SO HE JUST KEPT PLAYING WITH HIS TRAINS.HE STOPPED THEM AND SAID: "WHO EVER WANTS TO GET ON, GET THE HELL ON.WHO EVER WANTS TO GET OFF,GET THE HELL OF."
JUST THEM JOHNNYS MOM STORMED INTO THE ROOM AND SCREAMED: " JOHNNY, GO TO YOUR ROOM more...
A mechanical engineer died & went to heaven. Upon arrival Saint Peter checked "THE BOOK" and didn't find his name, so he informed the engineer that he must get on the elevator and go DOWNSTAIRS.Reluctantly the engineer boarded the elevator for the long trip DOWNSTAIRS and upon arrival in hell found that he was very uncomfortable due to the excessive heat. He asked to see the devil and was granted an interview, at which time he requested a large of materials with which to build an air conditioner. The devil replied that he could have anything he wished, and what he couldn't find, they would steal. So the engineer spent a month and a half building an air conditioner, which, when completed, cooled hell off only a few degrees.Somewhat unsatisfied the engineer requested additional materials, with which he spent another month and a half building a sprinkler system to add to the cooling effect of his air conditioner. Hell was getting much cooler now and folks were beginning to more...
A Doctor dies and goes to hell. The devil greets him and tells him that since he was doctor, and did some good that he could choose his eternity. The devil opens the first door, there are doctors hanging from their ankles being whipped by demons. "Oh my God, I don't want that", the doctor replies.
The devil opens a second door to reveal doctors on fire being chased by huge beasts. "That one is even worse!" says the doctor, getting more nervous.
The devil opens a third door to reveal doctors in lounge chairs being served tropical drinks by gorgeous, scantily clad nurses."Sign me up for that eternity!" the doctor states. The devil then slams that door and says,"You can't go there, you weren't supposed to see that." The doctor states why can't I go there? The devil replies, "Well.... that's nurse hell."