Hello Jokes / Recent Jokes
Things that make me cringe!:1. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no genitals.2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.3. The Norwich Life commercial where the old bastard answers the phone, says hello and then immediately tells his wife "It's Patrick! He bought life insurance!" Excuse me? how did Patrick find the time to tell you this? You barely breathed between "Hello" and It's Patrick". And why the hell do you have big sheets of bristol board and thick markers by the phone? Do you people play Pictionary over the phone often? 4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fuck off! What good is a damn cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake Instead? 5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after more...
Saddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello". The voice at the end of the phone says "Hello Mr. Hussein, it's Paddy here. I'm just ringing to let you know that we've declared war on your country." SH smiles to himself, "Come on Paddy", he says, "there's no point you declaring war on us, you wouldn't stand a chance." Paddy replies, "No, no, we've had ourselves a meeting, and we've decided to declare war on you." So SH says, "OK Paddy, now listen, I've got an air force of over a thousand planes, what kind of air force have you got to match that? It'd be over in no time." So Paddy says, "Well my lad's got himself a hot-air balloon, and my brother used to work at an airport." Hussein laughs, "Oh come on, you've not got a hope". "Hold on a sec, Mr. Hussein, ", Paddy says, "we'll just have a quick meeting." So off he goes and has a quick meeting. more...
This guy comes home from work and when he walks into his bedroom, he finds his wife in bed with 3 other men that he works with.
He says "hello hello hello"
And the wife says "what, aren't you talking to me!"
Hello, police? Please send an officer over to 324 London Road right away! Sorry, this isnt the police station. Its the Delicatessen. Oh. Well, in that case, please send over a pastrami sandwich!
This guy comes home from work and when he walks into his bedroom, he finds his wife in bed with 3 other men that he works with.He says "hello hello hello"And the wife says "what, aren't you talking to me!"
One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. This particular call happened to be from AT&T and it went something like this:Me: HelloAT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please? Me: May I ask who is calling? AT&T: This is AT&T.Me: OK, hold on.At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my
surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.Me: Hello? AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron? Me: May I ask who is calling please? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...Me: The phone company? AT&T: Yes sir.Me: I more...
Hello, police? Please send an officer over to 324 London Road right away! Sorry, this isn't the police station. It's the Delicatessen. Oh. Well, in that case, please send over a pastrami sandwich!