Hello Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tondo, Manila
May 16, 1957 Dearest Pal. Hello! How's life going on there. I hope that you are in good health upon receiving my letter or may be you got suspened "coz" you did not expect that you can receive a letter from me. But before the world prolong into a line may I ask first you a gretest apology if ever I disturb you rest and relaxation expecially that when you are in concentration of you studying. And at the same time Pal, I greet you pleasant hello. I hope you can enjoing your life there. Pal, maybe you ask to yourself there if were came I know your name. By the pal, I found your name from column of song hit. And then I decide to make this letter for the reason that I want also a friend in other places so don't think any malice here my lettter okey!. But before I go to further may I introduce first my simple personality to you. Well....... beginning for the love of my parent they got a boy and have a name. My name is Joseph Marcelo Ejercito a fourth year high more...

TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you? CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking? TECH: We're an Internet service provider, ma'am. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking. CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that? TECH: You just need the modem in your computer. That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank. CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out? TECH: I'm not sure I understand? CUSTOMER: You know... Does the money come out from that slot on the computer?

Rabbi Rabinovitz answers his phone. "Hello?" "Hello, is this Rabbi Rabinovitz?" "It is." "This is the IRS. Can you help us?" "I'll try." "Do you know Sam Cohen?" "I do." "Is he a member of your congregation?" "He is." "Did he donate $25,000 to the synagogue rebuilding fund last year?" "He will!"

Multiple Choice:
1. You log-on to:
A) Check your stock portfolio.
B) Meet new people and hang out.
C) Deny the punt beast his glory.

2. This week you spent:
A) 2-10 hours online.
B) Gee, probably about 20 hours online if you include flash sessions.
C) What day is it? (Give yourself “C” point credits if you’ve been on line since last week)

3. “Hell” can be best defined as:
A) A fiery dimension of eternal torture and penance.
B) Waiting in line at the DMV.
C) “The system is temporarily unavailable. Please try again in 15 minutes. ”

4a. You experience the greatest amount of stress when:
A) You are caught in rush hour traffic.
B) You realize you don’t have enough money to pay your bills.
C) You receive 17 IM’s while in the middle of a riveting chat in a crowded room.

4b. Extra Credit: The answer to 4a is not “B” because:
A) You have money you can pull out more...

As all the sperms were awaiting the big swim, little Freddy was being briefed by one of the elderly sperms. He said to Freddy, "Now you have to swim as fast as you can if you want to be the first one to the egg, and when you do get there, you have to say out loud, "Hello, I'm a sperm." And if you are the first one there the egg will reply, "Hello, I'm an egg." And then you can enter into the egg." So when it was time for all the sperm to start swimming Freddy swam as fast as he could without stopping. He was sure he was nearly there. He turned around to see how far back all the others were, and saw that they were very far behind. As he swam he suddenly found himself in a big moist chamber. He then saw a big round ball, so he swam right up to it and said, "Hello, I'm a sperm." He waited for it's reply. It then said, "Hello, I'm a tonsil."

Hello? Fred's Restaurant. Hello! I'd like to know, do you serve crabs? We serve anyone, sir! Come on in!

Things that make me cringe!:
1. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no genitals.
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. The Norwich Life commercial where the old bastard answers the phone, says hello and then immediately tells his wife "It's Patrick! He bought life insurance!" Excuse me? how did Patrick find the time to tell you this? You barely breathed between "Hello" and It's Patrick". And why the hell do you have big sheets of bristol board and thick markers by the phone? Do you people play Pictionary over the phone often?
4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fuck off! What good is a damn cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake Instead?
5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would more...