Hello Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hello. (Pause.) Hello? (Pause.) Hello! (Pause.) No, it doesn't look as if I'm in right now. Maybe you should leave a message at the beep or call me back later. BEEP. (Pause three seconds.) Just kidding, that wasn't really the beep. Are you ready now?

Hello? (Pause. Roommate's voice:) C'mon, Matt, we're gonna be late! -- Hold on, there's someone on the phone! Hello? -- C'mon, dude! -- Hello? Aaah, whatever... c0pyr|ghtah! aj0kesc0m BEEP!

A bloke came home and found his missus in bed with three blokes." Hello, hello, hello!" he screamed at them." Aren't you talking to me?" his missus snapped.

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500, 000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.
The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right. .. but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32, 000 -- are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it........
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."
"I think I know who it.. but I'm not 100%...
No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."
Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing more...

10 Best Answering Machine Messages



10. My wife and I can `t come to the phone right now, but if you `ll leave
your name and number, we `ll get back to you as soon as we `re finished.



9
.. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don `t need their picture taken. If you `re still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.



8
.. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your
number, and your reason for calling.... and I `ll think about returning your call.

7
.. Hi! John `s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I `ll stick your message to myself with one of these more...

A MAN in Delhi made a trunk call to his old friend in Amritsar.' Banta yarr,' he said,' I am in great difficulty. Can you send me Rs 500? I will return them within a month.'
'Hello! Hello!' replied Banta, 1 can't hear you. The line is very faint.'
The friend repeated more loudly,' Send me Rs 50p. I'll return them soon.'
'I can't hear a word,' replied Banta,' you ring me another time.'
The operator who was listening, interrupted,' The line is absolutely clear. Your friend in Delhi wants you to send him Rs 500.'
Banta snapped back at the operator,' If you can hear him clearly, why don't you lend him Rs 500?'

Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?