Hello Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. San Diego police department, how may we help you?
2. Hi! Would you like to buy a new sofa, fridge or car? What about a vacuum?
3. Hello earthling. I am an alien. You may not know this, but right now, I am having sex with your ear.
4. Let your child answer the phone and tell them to say this: "Will you be my friend?"
5. Burp into the phone.
6. Fart into the phone.
7. Yes, I'd like to order one large mushroom pizza, and cheese sticks...
8. Hello, the president is not in his office at this moment, this is his secretary, can I take a message?
9. Saddam Hussein's headquarters. May I ask why you are calling?
10. Konnichiwa. Aji tunti wahika nu popo bwah? Bunwaf huji toe... (you get the point.)
11. Nobody's home! (hang up)
12. Push random buttons on the phone and make music with the beeps, don't stop until they hang up.
13. Be a pest, say "Why are you trying to sell me stuff?" listen to their response. Say more...
The phone rings at Punjab Police headquaters. They answer: "Hello?"
"Hello, Is that the Punjab Police?"
"Yes. What do you want?'
"I'm calling to report my neighbour Santa Singh as an enemy of the
state. He is hiding diamonds in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the Punjab Police goons come over to Santa Singh's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds, swear at Santa Singh and leave.
The phone rings at Santa Singh's house. He answers,"Hello."
"Hello Santa! Did the Punjab Police come?"
"Did they chop your firewood?'
"Yes they did."
"O. K., now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."
A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"
The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean."
With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Joe there?"
The man answered, "There is no one living here named Joe. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?"
"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch...."
The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Joe there?" asked the father.
"Now look herel" came the heated reply. "You just called this number and I told you that there is no Joe here! You've got a lot of nerve calling againl" The more...
Things You Wouldn't Know Without The Tube All Of Life's Mysteries Are On TV If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of you sweetheart more...
"Hello? Funeral home?" "Yes?" "It`s Ole. My wife Lena died." "Oh. I`m sorry to hear that. We`ll send someone right away to pick up the body. Where do you live?" "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." "Can you spell that for me?" "How `bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up der?"
Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter."
The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."
A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter."
"That's right!" she coaxed.
Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"