Hello Jokes / Recent Jokes

Our famous Udurawana was attending a conference in London. He was flying for the first time. Here are some incidents which took place during that trip.
GETTING ON
At Katunayake airport, the passengers were climbing the steps to board the plane. A foreigner missed his step & slipped. He shouted "Oh, I lost my balance!" and the moving got slowed down a bit. Udurawana was at the bottom of the steps anxiously waiting to get in to the plane for the first time and he shouted, "Doesn't matter you fool, I have enough coins in my pocket. I'll give you some later! "
EMBARKATION CARD
When it was closer to London, Passengers were given the embarkation card to fill. Udurawana started filling.
Full Name: Heen Banda Udurawana
Sex: Ticked the Female Box and wrote below: unlike these foreigners, we always have sex with females!
GETTING OFF
Getting off Finally, the plane arrives at Heathrow. Udurawana was excited and anxious to get off. So he more...

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"

The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean."

With that the father went to the telephone an dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Melvin there?"

The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?"

"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch...." The father dialed the number again.

"Hello, is Melvin there?" asked the father.

"Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! more...

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of hisregular teacher. She says, "Hello class, Im Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember ithas an "r" after the first letter."The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets tohis desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" afterthe first letter.""Thats right!" she coaxed. Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"

Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit":
Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello,
No one's here, no one's home,
Leave a message, at the tone.
Don't feel stupid, it's no big fuss,
Leave a message, you can reach us.

Santa: I Tried Your Number So Many Times, It Always Said' Switched Off'!"
Banta: Nahi Pape, It's My Hello Tune!

Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the world famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers.(From a machine at a college dorm:)A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message." Hi. Now you say something." "Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so more...

tick...tick...tick...tick...tick...tick...tick...

"Hello, I'm Mike Walrus, and this is 60 Seconds"

"We're here in Hong Kong to bring you a story that may shock and horrify some viewers. This city is a beehive of industry and activity, a monument to free enterprise and commerce, but behind these shops and warehouses, hidden from public view, is the sordid story of a condiment gone terribly wrong.

"I'm talking about duck sauce. You've probably seen or tried it before, those little orange packets tossed in with your Chinese take-out meals. But look closely at them...those little floating bits aren't apricot...they're real duck.

"Yes, it's a tragic tale of waterfowl laid waste, an underground industry that reaps millions of export dollars and is depleting the duck population all around the South China Sea.

"We tracked several shipments of duck sauce to a clandestine factory here, operating under the name more...