Helms Jokes

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen."Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.
Zasks how she knows if they`re intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It`s me, ma`am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes ma`am. Thanks a lot. I`ll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he`d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse more...

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, more...

(Forwarding this gem from one of my discussion groups. Nearly laughed my Byrd off. The poster could neither confirm nor deny authorship.)
Internet Response to the Communications Decency Act
With the passing of the Communications Decency Act, we urge all people wishing to use electronic communications, but forced to limit their language and thus risk confusion, to consider using the following list of substitute words, which we feel the Senators involved will be reluctant to ban or censor:
Byrd:Noun:The posterior or hinder parts, specifically the anus.
Coats:Noun:Excrement, or as a verb to excrete.
Exon:Verb:To copulate with, the act of copulation.
Gorton:Noun:The female genitals, or specifically the vagina.
Gramm:Verb:To achieve orgasm. Also colloquially used as a noun.
Heflin:Noun:The female secondary sexual characteristics.
Helms:Noun:The male phallus.
An example of this usage might be as follows:
"'Exon me !', she cried, as more...

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the
Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it
is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows
if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow
me to demonstrate."
She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer
this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up
and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman
of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons
Jesse Helms more...