Henry Jokes / Recent Jokes

Otis, Henry, and Tom were sitting in a bar discussing their wives.
Henry started by saying, "I think my wife is fooling around on me. I went home the other day and found a hammer and a saw under our bed. I think she is cheatin' on me with a carpenter!"

Tom answered, "Ya, I think my wife is not faithful either.
The other day I went home and found a pipe wrench and some pipes under my bed. I think she is cheatin' on me with a plumber!"

Otis then joins in and says, "Well, if you think that's bad, I've got one for ya. I went home yesterday and found a cowboy under my bed.

I think my Lina is cheatin' on me with a horse!"

Three sons
Three sons left England and went to live in the USA, where they prospered. One day, they met and discussed the gifts they were able to give their old mother.
David said, "I built a big house for mum."
Henry said, "I sent her a Lexus - with a driver."
Alan said, "You remember how mum enjoys reading the bible. Because she now can`t see very well, I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the whole bible. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse."
Soon afterwards, a letter of thanks came from their mother.
“David, the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Henry, I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Lexus. And that driver has shpilkas--he`s a pain in the tuchas. But Alan, the chicken was delicious.”

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck." Where's Henry? one of his campmates asked." "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail." "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!""A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" says Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee. Osama is subject to similar beatings from James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged. As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams - "this is not what I was promised!" An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for more...

Henry Ford went to Heaven upon his death and was given a warm welcome
at the pearly gates. St. Peter, after completing the formalities,
asked him how he would like to spend his time. Ford, the great
inventor, asked to see some of the inventors before him. So St. Peters
printed out the list of all the inventors currently ( doing time ) in
heaven.
As Ford started to go through the list, he came across the name Adam.
He queried if it was the same guy who discovered Eve, the woman. St.
Peters confirmed that indeed Adam was the man credited with the
invention of women. Ford requested an audience with Adam, as he had a
few things to straighten out with him.
When the scheduled meeting took place, Ford was all over Adam, attacking
him for the flaws in his invention.
"Your invention is the most stupid work of engineering I ever saw.
There is too much of front end protrusion, the rear end wobbles too
much, it more...

Janice: Poor Henry has no sense of humor! The boss was telling jokes at lunch today, and everyone was laughing and laughing! Poor Henry just sat there - he didn't laugh once!

Jarvis: He doesn't have to laugh - he's quitting tomorrow!

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange.
- Henry Youngman