Herself Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old woman took it upon herself to travel to Nepal to meet with this famous guru. Her friends tried
to dissuade her, saying that the trip was long and arduous, and with her varicose veins it could mean
real trouble. They could not talk her out of it, however.
So, she made her preparations and set out. It began with a 36-hour flight on Air India with four
stopovers, followed by 2 hours on a rickety propeller plane from WWI. Then a ride on a cog railway.
Then a 2-day trek in a camel caravan over icy mountain paths. She was half dead when she reached the
guru's village.
There she learned that it would be perhaps ten days before she could have an audience with the guru
because so many seekers had come to see him. She was also told that when she entered the guru's tent,
she would only be allowed to speak five words, since the guru was so busy. So, she rested and
prepared, all the while trying to choose her five words more...

Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband.
Not able to handle being alone, she decides to kill herself and join him in death. She starts to think about quick and easy ways, and remembers abouther husband's old Army pistol. With that thought, she decides to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken anyway.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden on one of her children, she decides to call her doctor's and inquire as to just exactly where the heart could be found on a woman.
Her doctor advises her that it could be found just below her left breast.
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gun shot wound to her knee.

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become paralyzed, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss this vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.

A glamorous blonde was asked by the bank teller to identify herself before he would cash her check.

She rummaged in her handbag, found a mirror, looked at herself in it, and said, "Oh yes. That's me all right."

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.Not wanting to miss this vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be."On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn't sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter's bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thought to herself, "That's normal, especially on her wedding night." She snuck by her second oldest daughter's room and heard her laughing. "That's normal too," she said, smiling to herself. Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter's room where she didn't hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it. The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night's noises. "Well Mom," she replied, "you always said if it hurt, I should scream." "You're absolutely right sweetheart," more...